Long winded but worth the read, especially if you smoke or are trying to quit.... This is Bob. Hes one of my neighbours in our complex and a very nice man. We only knew him in to say hi in the hall and liked to talk golf with my husband. He never said much to me but always had a smile when we crossed paths. One night my husband and I got caught up in a series marathon and ended up staying up way later than normal on a weekday. I kept getting distracted by noises I was hearing from what I thought was in the hall way. My work-related intuition told me something was up. Right before I decided to go to bed I heard another noise that I couldnt chalk up to the usual stuff around here so I went to check the hall. Bob was standing there looking distressed with a lady Id never seen before. Another man from down the hall was also standing there holding a small frying pan (bear with me...youll understand that in a second) and the lady right next door to us was in her doorway peering out nervously. These folks are all around Bobs age. I asked what as going on and I dont recall the exact words but the gist was the woman had a history with Bob and they even lived together at one point. I found out later that theyd broken up years ago when she developed some sort of mental illness and pushed him down a flight of stairs in the house they shared. Everyone has needs and I dont fault the poor guy for wanting someone to be with but she was dangerous. The final noises Id heard that had caught my attention was Bob running out of his unit with her in pursuit, swinging the frying pan around trying to hit him with it. Shed landed a few good blows on his forearms as he tried to defend himself without having to hurt her. Seeing the marks on his arms and hearing the details I had no choice but to call the police. I think poor Bob was mortified in many ways that night because of many things I wont mention. After that night he seemed to have retreated into his unit and had a hard time meeting my eyes the few times I saw him out and about. I worried he was embarrassed and thought that what happened would be CoOp gossip (we have a mostly senior citizen population here and if youve ever lived in a place like this you know the rumor is always alive and well. Very few things that happen here go unnoticed. I wanted to reassure him that I was a professional and would never use his misfortune for a gossip conversation. I didnt even tell my own sister who lives here as well. I didnt want to make him feel more embarrassed by me making him talk about it with me. Once he realized that nobody else that lived here other than my husband and I knew what had gone on that night and there was no reason to hide I started seeing him more often in passing again. Bob was a very heavy smoker fore most of his life and he had a terrible cough that Id hear at night when I would smoke on my balcony. It didnt sound good (most coughs dont but you know what I mean). Late last year I was out on my balcony as usual at night and I heard the most awful noise that startled me so badly I jumped. I had no idea what it was or which window it was coming from because the layout of this place is ridiculous. I called out to see if Id get an answer but there wasnt one. It really bothered me but there was no way to tell what it was without knocking on all of the doors and it was 3 in the morning. A few days later I popped out for cigarettes and when I returned there were emergency vehicles in our parking lot. Apparently Bob had been told in the summer that he didnt have much time left. The effects of years of smoking had left his body badly damaged and his heart gave out one day as he stood in his kitchen. I felt awful. I will always wonder if what I heard that night were his last breaths and kicked myself for not trying to figure out who needed help. Its not so much that I could have tried saved him but at least he wouldnt have died alone. Ive been a smoker for 22 years. Id tried to quit before and did have periods where went off them. Of course eventually the evil little voice in my head would always convince me that it would only be a few here and there then promptly shove me off the wagon. A few nights after Bob died I was out on the balcony again. I can see his balcony next to ours up and up one floor. I stood there looking at it as I talked to him through guilty tears....There was a small table and chairs on it and as I talked I had felt a gradual feeling of awareness of someone sitting there listening to me. The cigarette I stubbed out after that night was the last one Ill ever smoke. I have nothing but confidence that Ive kicked it for good now because this time there was NO PHYSICAL WITH DRAWL. AT ALL. I think this its the Thank You he was always to embarrassed to say to me in this life. I will never smoke again. His death was not pointless. He has saved me from myself and significantly lowered the chances that my stupidity of trying smoking will take me away from my children (and my grandchildren...and my great grandchildren...) That same stupidity wont take me away from my parents or my sisters either. I do still go out on the balcony from time to time now to enjoy some alone time. Just last week he sent me an actual sign and it was UNMISTAKABLE. Its freezing cold here at night at everyones windows are shut tight. There was no wind.... And I smelled smoke....It made my heart very happy. I will carry this man in my heart forever. Hes saving my life with his dearth. obits.dignitymemorial/dignity-memorial/obituary.aspx?n=Robert-Fry&lc=3162&pid=168469043&mid=5769707
Posted on: Sat, 08 Mar 2014 06:42:26 +0000
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