MEMORIES Its been hard lately not to think about the differences in Matt. I dont want to forget the little time we had together, the way he made me feel, all the things we talked about and crazy adventures we had. I want to close my eyes and remember every bit of it. Ive been going through the months, trying to remember things I thought were forgotten. Every once in a while I come across a memory I havent remembered in a while and I fight to hold onto it. Often it slips through my grasp but occasionally one will stick. Today as we drove to his house in the country I remembered our first phone conversation. He was driving home late at night and was going through a low place in the road that always loses service. He told me he didnt want me to think he hung up on me so he would call me back in 1 minute. We hung up and he called back in one minute. Driving through the low point in the road this morning brought back that entire phone call. He sat outside on his mothers yellow wooden swing, I heard Tigger, his cat, purr for the first time and learned about his friend RC and his dog meatball. We talked on the phone for 3 hours that night. When memories come flooding in Im not remembering them as myself. Im in a corner watching the goings on and witnessing my own life. I want to pack up those months, put them in a box for easy access anytime I need them. Im not sad. This feeling is not a broken heart. Its just an ache. Something inside that is dull and constant. A bruise that has yet to heal. I dont think it ever will. I can handle that. I can still see the wild eyed boy I knew. He is buried behind a body that doesnt cooperate, a voice that isnt familiar, and a mind scratching to break out. He is Matt. He is just different. I am learning to accept the pain. To welcome the ache in my chest as a testament to a powerful love, something fast and all consuming. This is our life. This is the story God has written for us. The love, the laughs, the pain, the memories will all play a part in a final masterpiece. This does not last and eternity awaits.
Posted on: Mon, 09 Jun 2014 16:10:42 +0000