MY CHIROMO MORGUE ESCAPADES CONTINUED; On August 8th, 1996, I was on duty at theCHIROMO Mortuary. Those were the days when the end used to justify the means; we used to use all available means to supplement our university tuition fees and be left with something to eat. We would occasionally receive handouts for non-official services. And so it happened that an affluent family from the USA lost their beloved one. They airlifted the body from the USA using an expensive golden coffin. They made it clear to me that the coffin was just for the purposes of transport the coffin and that theyll not be using the same to bury the body. That was music to my ears; the golden coffin was worth hundreds of thousands and I knew the family will be leaving it with me since the candy go store a coffin at home. As a struggling student, this was a a big blessing since I could get a ready buyer for the golden coffin. I immediately labelled the coffin so that even neither our Human Anatomy chairman O.G and the mortuary secretary Sarah or even any of my fellow students knew the Golden coffin belonged to me. Fate was on my side; The same day, an affluent man of Masaai/ Samburu origin(name withheld brought his dead brother to the mortuary. Before he left, he called me aside and asked me if I could be of any help in obtaining a wonderful coffin befitting his brother. I enquired what his budget was and he said money wasnt his problem; his problem was giving his late brother a heros send off. I took him round the mortuary coffins and showed him the mortuary coffins as chiromo mortuary also used to sell coffins. I made sure he saw my golden coffin last and he instantly fell in love with it. Since Id already labelled it, I told him Im not sure the other customer will agree to part with it. Luckily, he offered to double what the first customer( non-existent) had offered. I quickly removed the label and replaced it with another one bearing the details of hid deceased brother. This was after he agreed to part with Ksh 185,000.00 for the coffin. The money was to be paid as the body was being collected. It was then a Friday and the burial was slated for the next day on Saturday. Am so I wok up ver early on Saturday and carried my boys and girls~ these were my fellow students I was working with them there and wouldnt want to mention my names. One thing was common with them; they did not have the guts or the boldness to broker deals at all but they were always at hand to take my orders at a fee. Another terrible hitch arose, the body that was to be packed in the golden coffin was very tall and could not fit in the coffin past the knee level in the coffin. A major headache it was but that did not kill my determination to pocket the close to 200k for the coffin. I had to think hard and fast. This is how it went. The brother to the deceased was a man of means and a histologist by profession. I interrogated him on the versions rites tha t they YAKE through a buddy before burial and whether they have any interest to open the coffin and view the body. He made things easier for me; He told me by the custom, I was a taboo to even think of opening a coffin to view any body. He instructed me to close the coffin completely and only leave the face visible, period. My headache was taken care of. Without hesitating, I called my 2 colleagues, my fellow students an I had some simple instructions for then, that the body HAD to fit in the golden coffin, COME WHAT MAY! It doesnt require rocket science to know what that meant; the tall(or is it long) body had to be reduced to size to ensure it fitted in the coffin; The was no way whatsoever I could watch as close to 200k clean cash disappear in to thin air: This is one instinct where my boldness and the devil may care attitude worked perfectly for me; I called my two colleagues who happened to be two years ahead in campus but couldnt get the guts to do what I was doing; I offered the Ksh. 500.00 each to SHORTEN the body to facilitate its fitting I. The coffin. This meant cutting both legs at the knee joint and ensuring the two legs were nicely packed next to the body in the coffin. Not knowing what was at stake for me. The worked on the body in haste and I two minutes, they body was termed to size and could now fit in the golden coffin. I was confident enough no problems would arise as he had assured may theyve no interest whatsoever to own the coffin. We the n fitted the body in the coffin, sent the relatives to pay the mandatory Ksh.5000.00 for the body preservation. We then loaded the body onto a waiting track and inside the track, my friend gave me a to tal of Ksh 205,000 00; 185,000.00 for the golden coffin and 20,000.00 for being so nice to them. Mission having being accomplished, I paid my 2 colleagues Ksh 1000.00 each and they were excited.
Posted on: Tue, 27 Jan 2015 10:18:52 +0000
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