Melody Whitmer and family are halfway home by now. Grandpa and I sat here in the cabin and had a little cry. Things are put back in order again, it didnt take long. Grandpa said he didnt want to put everything back in its place and straighten up because it would feel like they hadnt been here at all... and he is right. Except for the extra mud on the porch and the small stack of forgotten items in the chair by the door, theres no sign that they were here. Kimbey and Brielle made the little dogs feel pretty special and they seemed to miss them as soon as they were gone, and old Julie just seems a little sadder without Amberlee around. I dont know about Mark, but in the last couple of hours I have been thinking back over the last year... in some ways I feel as if my life has crumbled with my children and grandchildren so far away and scattered now across the country and almost losing Mark to a stroke, and his subsequent inability to maintain his stamina long enough to hold a regular job. My mom, step dad and two of my brothers back in Kansas, my sister Gail being so far away, me giving serious thought to some significant changes in my personal life, my dad being gone, my father-in-law (who was so encouraging and such a blessing to me) being gone and feeling isolated so much of the time has confused short intermittent bouts of being bummed. Its almost insane when I think back to my life last Christmas how much everything has changed for me. Then theres the flip side.... this year has taught me a lot. With my dads passing for the first time in my life I discovered that I was always ok with who I was and that its ok to be ok with who you are. I only wish I had realized that when he was still here and could have told him. I have a brother in place of the big ? That has always been at the end of the line of siblings I knew my whole life, and I really like the guy as much as I like all my other siblings. Hes a good fit with the rest of us. Hes also living proof that some things are just ingrained in the DNA and may be influenced by environment but not changed. And he introduced me to Charlies Chicken. That was cool. I have learned what I have always known but couldnt prove... no matter how painful the end result, I can follow through with commitment. There has been pain, upheaval, uncertainty, happiness, joy, contentedness within the last year to greater degrees than anything I have experienced in my life! I have dealt with a lot of my own muck, faced my own issues and had to assign responsibility for my part in those messes on my own shoulders, all the while trusting God. I absolutely love it here. Theres a freedom here that I didnt have before, the way of life suits me better, the people are much more my style. There isnt the persistent feeling of angst and tension, the people around here dont have a lot, but they are so much happier with what they DO have than what I had experienced in Kansas. And if youve read this far, kuddos to you for caring enough about what I have to say to make it that far. Just know I love you. So if you read this post in its entirety, do me a favor, either like it or send me a pm, just so I know who you are. ;)
Posted on: Sun, 28 Dec 2014 19:21:45 +0000
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