Morning. Coffee in hand and getting this day going. Not sure what that means quite yet lol, but I have coffee ;) Unfortunately we are winding down summertime with Craigs kiddos, they are only here for another week. Im not quite sure where summer went this year but it has sure flown by! Craigs summer goal he set of taking the boat to the lake once per week while the kids are here has been pretty successful. It took awhile for him to build up to it before the kids got here, but what a huge step he has made! We have also managed a family birthday party and a family fish fry this summer. And I reconnected with an old very dear friend. We have faced some new or different challenges this summer, besides those when leaving the house, but we have and are managing through them. Thank goodness for GOOD coping skills (for BOTH of us) lol. I do have to say though, speaking of coping skills... One of the largest PTSD challenges of the summer has been coping while away from home. Craig has been basically agoraphobic, besides must do outings, for quite a long time now. His coping skills and retreat to his safe place of 4 walls when needed have been learned for at home, but when one steps out that front door it does bring on a whole different world with PTSD. Not by any means being negative here or towards him, but I felt like others needed to know and understand this. After being home bound for so long then stepping out into the world with the goal at hand, its like starting from scratch. Learning to cope with the outside world brings on a whole new ballgame with PTSD, and learning how to cope with it. I will fess, I really thought okay, he has learned to cope pretty well at home, stepping back outside should be easier now and the coping skills will go with him. Ha, I was wrong on that one lol. ;) I was not blind to it would be a challenge, new surroundings and everything outside four walls to tackle, but I did not expect it to be like starting to relearn all over again. That is honestly what it has been like. I see PTSD when we leave the safety of four walls, and have found myself on high alert. Watching for triggers, watching and reminding when I see his concentration is down and he needs to focus, talking him through anxiety especially when he cant recognize its on the rise, reminding him to use coping skills, getting him to make eye contact so he can hear me and concentrate/focus over what PTSD causes, etc. Its like being his second set of eyes. But I also know this is the next step that has to be taken for his best interest, as well as mine. But I also know that all of this takes time and the more he steps outside the house, the more he can practice and learn how to adjust to what is needed in different situations. Practice makes perfect is a golden rule right now, just keep pushing forward and taking those steps. ;) We have also faced outside challenges. While out we have had someone steal from us, so faced the PTSD anger and frustration and had to cope through that experience. We ran out of gas while out on the lake haha ;) yes Im still laughing over that one, that was another time we worked to keep PTSD in check. We have been faced with some very negative, to our lives, people who brought on additional stress that we dont normally have to deal with on a daily basis. And a few other things that we dont normally face. Our stable new normal of a world we formed over the years got rocked this summer lol! With each thing that has come, we just face it as its another step we take to keep moving forward. We HAVE to, or not only will the outside negative influences win, but we would allow PTSD to win... and thats NOT going to happen. ;) My largest challenge this summer? A throttle back in Craigs hand. I know that sounds weird, but it was my largest fear. A fear I knew one day we would have to face and tackle as we learned to live life with PTSD. See, years back now, Craigs way out of this PTSD life was to use a throttle, speed, and a large body of water. His plane actually (which we no longer have obviously) which in a way related to his trauma. He had it all planned out how he would die. I feared that any sort of throttle back in his hands would bring back those bad days of thoughts of suicide. I feared for his life, I feared the kids would not have a father, I feared I would lose my husband, I feared he would give up on himself. My largest fear when we bought the boat, was facing my own fear of any sort of throttle back in his hands. I knew the next step was not only him relearning how to get out of his 4 walls, but also myself managing through what in the past was a reality. I knew the day would come where we faced this throttle challenge together. Since May, thats exactly what we have been doing. As I take a deep breathe, I am happy to report there have been NO suicidal thoughts! He still loves the speed the boat gives him lol, but the reasons behind it are different then the thoughts he had years back, before we learned about how to live this life with PTSD as part of it. Hes relearning how to live! Each trip out, even though still a new challenge for him and us, its getting one step closer to being easier or at least some sort of new normal. One outing a week is a huge step! There are many out there that just cannot comprehend that unless you have lived in our shoes. It is honestly a huge step, and every trip away from the house brings another day of learning how to master it. Its not a fast process but we are sure making progress!!! Even through all of the new challenges this summer, its been an awesome summer! Goals are becoming real life, learning and relearning continues, and we have had some wonderful family time! The boat has honestly been the best thing we could have done for each of us, and our family. My point of sharing this... NEVER give up on yourself! NEVER give up on your loved one! Life with PTSD is not going to be easy, but you can find what works for you and you can keep taking those small steps forward to reclaim your life again. PTSD is not going away, but life IS still worth living!!! ~Bec A Spouses Story PTSD
Posted on: Sat, 26 Jul 2014 13:21:54 +0000
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