My 40 year-old physical pisses me off. Yeah, I know it has been 4 years, but that shyt still haunts me like that thing from the movie “Don’t be afraid of the Dark”….. So, I show up and tell the doc that I feel great! Are we done? NOPE! Pull your pants down we need to check for a hernia. He puts the latex gloves on and grabs ahold of my nads.. SHYT! His hands are as cold as Antarctica and my balls shrivel up to where my sac has no wrinkles; they are turning red and purple from the cold… Looking like easter eggs. It actually looks a lot better without the wrinkles, so maybe I will botox my balls to keep them looking this way….. The Doc grabs my balls and says, “turn your head and cough”…. Now I am thinking to myself, “you should have had me turn my head first and start coughing, then grab my balls. It would have shortened the contact time…this is not the rodeo, you don’t have to hang on for 8 seconds for it to count….. Alright, that wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be…start pulling my pants up and he gives me the look. “You might as well keep them down, got to check your prostate too.” WTF? Balls and azz on the same day? One installment? Can’t you split this shyt up like car payments? Maybe it is better to just get it over with, so here we go…..Standing there all nervous, I look over and notice the size of his fingers…. WTH size ring do you wear? Your finger looks like a Coney Island Hot dog! This is really gonna suck…. Can you put some extra lube on that pointer finger! He says “bend over farther; you will feel a little pressure.” F$&#*&$#(*$#(*$& I yelled! A little pressure? How about it feels like my azz just tore completely in half. I’m crying inside, like a 3 year old who just shyt his pants running to the bathroom. The Doc hands me a paper towel and tells me to clean up. A paper towel? How about give me some ammonia and a scrub brush to get rid of any residue left by the lube and gloves. Driving home, feeling violated....I am thinking about the Comedian Rodney Carrington and what he said when he had this same thing done…. “ if someone ever asks me “have you ever been with another man before”…. I CAN’T SAY NO!!
Posted on: Fri, 08 Nov 2013 11:50:38 +0000
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