My Pill-Popping Surprise Surprise! Its August, your birthday month and you cant weed the gardens, or paint today, Ashley. And no, dont you even dare to think about going to the Dutchess County Fair to ride the Zipper and every other thrill-seeking ride you can sit on which have previously been part of your greatest pastimes. Never mind that it causes the majority of others and their mothers to puke - your gut is stronger than theirs. But who are you kidding? Today will be no different than yesterday or the day before. Shall we face the reality? You have become a part-time pill popper. That is currently your vocation whether you like it or not. Remember that annoying wide-spread aching pain you had in 2006 when you were diagnosed with fibromyalgia? Well, the universe has boomeranged that pain back to you four-fold as a belated 27th birthday present. SURPRISE! This time, you can not avoid the pills. ... I emitted myself into the ER at Kingston Hospital earlier this week and havent had the luxurious gift of a full nights sleep in over a week due this miraciously unexplained, debilitating, excruciating pain in my shoulders, neck and my spine. Should I blame my couch for its poor design, my apartment for having 80% humidity, or my pillow for being elderly? Do I blame my phone for its addictiveness or myself for my choice to look down at it for hours on end? I could do all of the above, yes. Or I could take action. And in fact, I have. First, I went the familiar alternative route: I layered on Young Living essential oils, I drank an entire bottle of a hyper-locally-made honey ginger tumeric elixir because I love the taste and am well aware of its anti-inflammatory benefits. I have had rain drop on my spine, two chiropractic adjustments, took daily epsom salt baths, and have had acupuncture treatments. I even gave myself a trigger point massage with a $15 all-body massage machine from walgreens... But the pain had not waned. So, I went where I have never gone before: to pills. Valium, ibuprofen, skelaxen, and meloxicam have all found their way inside my body this week. For what? Like the unconventional therapies, the relief has only been temporary but without them could I have done a yoga routine in my room for the first time since I moved into my apartment 2 years ago because it has suddenly occurred to me that I missed it? Perhaps not. I find myself frustrated and ashamed. Why? Because I have been neglecting my body, the farm fresh produce in my fridge, my finances, and my commitment to making a difference in this world. I have been a fraud, a coward and an ungrateful, unappreciative asshole. Should I be surprised that I woke up this morning to a reoccuring nightmare of being stuck inside the lodge of a ski resort? I could ask myself why I wasnt on the slopes fearlessly manuvering the moguls of those snow-capped mountains but I already know its meaning... That is why I have been waking up with tears streaming down my face. Because in my mind there is NO greater fear. Skiing is the metaphor of my life. Currently, I am cowardly sitting in the resort on the sidelines of my life looking out at all the people who are living a life they love powerfully with the courage and confidence that I proclaim I am only capable of accessing on the slopes. Not in the lodge, not in my every day life. Not possible. Not in reality. At least, that is what I tell myself. ... Happy be-lated birthday, Ashley. How many times does your body have to hurt for you to recognize that you are you the cause of your own suffering? Your physical symptoms are merely a reflection of your mental and spiritual state of feeling like you are a burden on the world. Let it go.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Aug 2014 15:06:04 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015