My journey continues to 2014 YEAR STARTING 2014, The year 2014, this is a long year ahead of me, chemo treatments, breast surgery, recovery from surgery, chemo and radiation treatments, seeking employment all over again, staying sane. It is only the beginning of the year 2014 , and beside chemo treatments and side effects I am going thru, I had some additional drama that I do not need right now, so I have to deal with this right away. People say that I am being selfish, to hell with what people say, this is my life and in order for me to overcome and face with what I am dealing with in reality I have to think only of me. These people that are causing drama at this time in my life need to go. This year 2014, is just a stepping stone for the years ahead of me. I will do whatever it takes to overcome my anxieties, fears. Follow all instructions from my doctors, (I do not follow instructions very well when it has to do with me not doing anything. I always have something to do, it keeps me busy and my mind going. So, to say, just rest, don’t do anything it’s going to be very hard, but it’s going to also be a challenge, and I am up to new challenges. CANCER AND FRIENDS, Some people think that Cancer is a disease and it is contagious (they are afraid to be around you because they do not want to catch it), or are they making excuses, so they won’t have to help you. I don’t need their help personally just their friendship, just to talk like we use to. Friends that have called often before they found out I had cancer, stop calling, (actually that was a good thing for me, because after all these years I found out who are my true friends are), I can truly count on one hand how many of my true friends have call on a regular basis to see how I am doing or just to talk. They know who they are, and I love you. Then again, I have family and friends call or face book you that you haven’t seen in years and they have found out your sick, at first they ask how are you, how did you find out, who is with you, asking all sorts of questions, actually being poky, and they don’t like the answer I give them, I am doing fine, all is well, and then I say, I will call you later I have an emergency on the other line, they say I will call you back, and of course no return call and now it’s been three months and still no return call. You know who you are, no names for me to call, just want to say thank you for your concern. The cure for all different types of cancer has come so far, that I believe that people should educate themselves about the different types of cancer and what cures and what difficulty people and their family have to go through. Don’t judge anyone. Read, there is so much information on Cancer. Just read. I SURVIVED….. My Friend Don’t judge me There is no need to be afraid It’s not contagious I’m still your friend I will share my experiences with you I loved you before the journey and nothing has changed I’m still me I only had BREAST CANCER CANCER AND FAMILY, My family is awesome. I have a very large friends and family support network, 5 brothers, 1 sister, 4 sister- in-laws, 1 brother-in-law, 5 nieces, 8 nephews. My nieces are very special to me, don’t get a chance to talk to them often, but when we do I get all teary eye. My sons are trying to cope with this with an open and very positive attitude, and taking it one day at a time. My youngest sons lives with me and his is my rock. My eldest lives 45 minutes from me and he says that he cannot handle seeing his mom like this, as he can’t remember ever seeing me so ill. My brothers and sister, we talk often and email often, I really don’t know how they truly feel, as we really don’t show our feelings towards each other, but I feel it in my heart that they are truly concern for me and I know that I am loved. My granddaughter loves to take my scarf or my hat of my head and puts her head to my head and kisses my head. Then at times she takes the scarf and hat off and just hits my head. She is my light. It is such a joy and pleasure when I see my grandson and granddaughter, they are my heart. I will ask to have my granddaughter a week before my chemo as I do not see them during and after my chemo. But, my granddaughter takes my breath, she is so active, that I have to make sure my energy level is up to part for her. Whoa, my grandson, well he says hi nana, how are you, love you nana, I am hungry, and then he is gone. He doesn’t play with me, he is too old to play with his nana…that oks, as long as I can have him around when I can it’s such an awesome feeling. My sister, it’s hard for me to talk her, love her with all my heart, but the way I am, I cry all the time and being the oldest I don’t want her to think that I am unstable and can’t handle anything. She has a lot of ways like my mama, and she resembles her a lot, so when I talk to her, she reminds me of my mama and that hurts as I know that she is my sister, not my mama, and I can’t scream and cry the way I want to, but we do talk, and she has my heart. I talk with her as often as I can, and I let her know how I am feeling with all that’s going on. Sometimes I hurt so bad, that I just want to give up, but I say this will pass and I do not tell anyone of my brothers and my sister how I am truly feeling and doing, they will never know the worst of my illness, I want to be strong, but it’s hard at times. Sometimes the pain is so bad that I cry so much and I just want someone to hold me so tight and tell me that everyone thing is going to be okay, but I don’t have anyone here right now that can do this, so I turn to My heavenly father and my mom who is with him and ask them to please hold me, just enough to let me know that someone is here with me, it does happen, believe me it has happen. Today, I can say that I do not long for someone to physically be here to hold me because I know that both my heavenly Father and my mama’s arms are around me. I email or call my brothers to keep them up to date and just talk. I know that my family has their own family issues, so I try not to impose on them. I so grateful that they are available for me .During this first journey that I have encountered I was blessed to see two of my sibling. I do hope that I will be able to see more of my siblings and nieces and nephew during my second flight. I am a proud sister of all my brothers and sister. My sister - in - law has been a real trouper. I have talked to her quite a few times, and her words have left me speechless at times because the impact of what she is saying to me has really given me more than just hope. Her spiritual words have always come at times when I most needed it, and I truly thank her. My youngest son friends have a special place in my heart as they have been here for me during my illness. They have taken time out of their business schedule to assist me when needed. They have seems me at my worst, we prayed together and cried together. I thank them all so much for being here and being such good friends to Justin. They all have seen me at my worst and my best. There has not been a group of young people I thought I would have to depend on or have my life in their hands, and this group I would trust my life with as they have been here for me and is still are. A very special thank you to my sons’ girlfriends, no words can express to you how much I appreciate what you have done for me. Thank You. I consider you all as a part of my Family. I SURVIVED….. FRIENDS ARE PRICELESS, My friend/sister Yolanda came from Bermuda on the weekend to see me. If there is someone that I can talk to about anything and everything in confident, she is the one. I am not saying that I do not have anyone else that I can also talked to and confide in, but I have known Yolanda for the majority of our life, lived together, schooled together, did not see each other for years, but that did not make a different, today she is here, and I am so grateful for her friendship, no one knows us better than we two, I was both happy and sad, happy to know that she took the time to come and see me, sad for her to see me this way. We usually talk a least 3 or 4 times a week or more. My friend in Atlanta Renee came by to pick me up to get Yolanda from the airport, go to the mall and then get something to eat. It was good, not too much walking in the mall and the restaurant was right across from the mall. We had a wonderful time together. Yolanda was leaving to go back home the Monday morning and I had Chemo that same day. How about I took ill Sunday night before she left, my legs just gave out on me, they hurts so bad, could not move them, I hated for Yolanda to see me this way. I have avoided many of my friends and family members from seeing me in any condition where I could not control the situation in my life ( however I have to remember I am not fully in control of my situation, our God is in full control of all our situations, I have just got to be strong ), I do have many friends, friends that I can call who will listen to me cry, laugh, I know who they are, or I have friends that I can talk to them about anything, no crying, because I know they cannot handle certain situations, with all this being said, I can actually count on one hand how many true friends I have, not including family. I feel really awful that I have not correspondent with my friend / sister Bolita for the past few month. It’s been all about me, and I completely forgot that my true friends are really my true friends. I have been going thru my emotional concerning the chemo and everything that the chemo has presented to me during these few months, that sending emailing, face book my friends was on my mind, but I did not want to burden anyone at all. I did not want my friends to think that when we talk it was only about how I was doing, when in actual fact these last months. It’s only been about me, so yes I was selfish, but at the same time, I did not want to burden anyone with how I was feeling and still feeling, but today Friday, April 25, 2014, I was totally wrong. Bolita has been my friend, my sister for many years, I do apolize that I hurt her or had her worried about me, as I did not communicate with her for last few months. Bolita friendship is priceless and comes with all the friends, sister commitments. My friend Renee here in Atlanta has been a real good friend. Whenever she is off, she makes it her priority to call me and come and get me. I am so grateful to have her as a friend, we actually share the same birthday, February 5. I SURVIVED….. CVS, What a body and cute too, Oh crap he is heading this way, why do I look like Godzilla today, hair not comb, pajamas ok, he walked right passed my car to the women walking right towards him, that was close. Z’s friend just went into CVS to get a few items, oh I can see his physic in the front left mirror, my, my, my, I had to just look away as this is not the time to indulge in a fantasy, plus look at me, not a welcoming sight. I have had a few encounters, but I look like Godzilla in my pajamas, coat and hat, not a pretty picture, this is not a priority, no one is going to want me, be near me, touch or just getting to know me and love me for the person I am truly am, for once I tell them that I am not well, and this is just a stepping stone and I will fight this and I am going to survive, they will probably walk away, so for now this is just my fantasies, I SURVIVED….. FASHIONS, It is something to run into Walmart or the supermarket to pick up one item, but having to go to a clothing store with someone and say, I will wait for you in the car in my pajamas. About 15 minutes went by and I just could not take it, so I went into the clothing store in my pajamas, so let’s take a look at what I had on, Pink and white slippers, black and grey pajama pants, black and white pajama top, purple, blue, grey hat, and a black jacket, I did not match at all, but no one cares how or what you look like. I walked around the store with my friend and we were in the store for about an hour. As we were leaving the store, right next to the Fashion Bug is a men store, I saw the sweetest looking men, he said hi, pretty smile and nice get up, I felt so embarrassed I just said thanks, my friend started laughing and we just walked to the car, quickly of course. We sat in the car for a few minutes, and again looking like granny Harriett, I could not even talked to anyone, but the men were flowing in and out of this men store, not bad looking young and older men. I said once I get myself together and have some clothes on, I will return, believe me, I will return. This was another experience. Just laughing it up. But come to think of it, It is just nature for us to look at each other and make compliments, but to be honest, I have so many other goals I wasn’t to accomplish, that this part of my life will have to wait. WALMART, Ok, so Wal-Mart is not the most exciting place to go to, but I love going to Wal-Mart. I go at least 3 times during the month to get wool, and pick up some personal items and if I have strength just take a look to see what new colors they have in towels and washcloths. I do not dress, just wear my hats and sweats, and I feel ok. Sometimes I could be in Wal-Mart for 5 mins, and I need to leave, feeling out of breathe and tried. I don’t go to Wal-Mart by myself anymore, because once when I did, I felt really bad, so I left Wal-Mart went to drive home, the car won’t start, no cell phone, everyone I asked says no cell phone, so therefore I had to walk home from Wal-Mart. That was the last time I have been to Wal-Mart by myself. I was standing in line on May 26, 2014, both in front and back of me were two women discussing clothing for large women and how they could only find clothing on line to fit them, whereas I have lost so much weight in the past few months, large clothing would not be a good fit anymore, exactly nothing in my closet is a good fit, I feel like an older women wearing saggy pants to fit in with the younger male, laughing out loud to myself, no I was exactly laughing out loud to myself, when one of the women said that in the center aisle are cushions for 2 dollars, originally $26.00 , $13.00 $11.00. I quickly walked over as fast as I could and got the last two, sort of pretty. I knew I could not afford them, but they was only $2.00 each. When I returned back to the line, the lady in front of me was just finishing up and the lady behind me for some reason we just started talking, having a real nice conversation and we talked and out of the blue the conversation turned into a cancer conversation. She had mentioned that she is surviving a form of brain cancer and I hesitated for a minute to tell her about me, but I told her that I was diagnosed with breast cancer and awaiting surgery in June. You would have thought I knew this women and the cashier for a long long time, the women behind me held me and both the women behind me and the cashier said, I was truly blessed and everything is going to go well, and I looked good. I was so stunned that I had goose bumps and I felt so good when I walked away. How I wished I had stopped to get the lady name and number that was behind me, but you know, I am good with faces, I will go back to Wal-Mart this week, or as soon as I can get someone to take me and see if I see the cashier, I believe she knew her, I truly hope so. The lord puts people in places for a reasons. Thank you, I SURVIVED….. FOOD AND RESTAURANT, My favorite restaurant is Olive Garden in Fayetteville, Georgia. They have the best tasting chicken fettuccine, I don’t have any taste buds but I know it is good, before I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer I use to go all the time. Since I was diagnosed, I have been there three times, and it taste like paper, but I still eat it, and have a least two cups of coffee, which taste like mud, but I drink it anyway. May seem strange but when you know what you love to eat, just eat it anyway, I can only eat a few bites and then take home the rest of the food for later. However, it is not all the time I get to eat my leftovers from Olive Garden, Justin has a pit in his stomach some hour in the morning and of course as mother we never say no. I have tried eating some of my favorite dishes, fish, baked potatoes, fried chicken, fruits, vegetable (well not a lot of vegetable ) I love chocolate, however during this journey I cannot eat chocolate, it taste like paper, so this journey my taste buds have been awful, even water taste really awful. I have / had force myself to eat so that I won’t become ill, but at times I would go two and three days without eating anything substantial. Don’t get me wrong now, chicken noodle soup has been my best friend, and one time, I went to supermarket and purchased about 30 tins of soup, for this is the ONLY food that I can eat without becoming ill. Strange as it may sound, CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP IS THE BOMB, and my body agrees .so, I do hope that my Christmas 2014, my taste buds will start to restore, because this is a hugh secret, don’t tell anyone, I love food, I love to cook, I love to eat, just our secret. I SURVIVED….. CONFIDENT LEVEL, Not very confident in going places by myself, a bit timid, as I do not know what to expect. I do not drive anymore by myself. I can do anything my mind says I can do, but my body says no way , be safe, months from now you can look back at all this and say thanks to all those people who took you places and offer them the reward back by offering to drive them somewhere. My speech is not so clear sometimes. I shake a lot. Sometimes I feel lazy, and don’t feel like doing anything, but I know that this is not me, so I make myself do things. However, let it be a rainy day, I will stay in bed all day. At times, when I know I have to go to the doctor, I get scared, I cry. I have cried a lot, sometimes when I am taking my bath, I can’t get out as fast as I normally will do, I feel like I am going to fall, so it takes me a little longer to get out of the tub, and then I am breathless, so I sit on the toilet to catch myself and just cry. I am afraid to fall again, especially when I am home by myself. Crawling on the floor to my bedroom and pulling myself up on my bed is hard, and I do not want anyone to see me in this way, so I don’t call anyone, I just take my time, and cry. Walking down the hallway to the kitchen can be very difficult, so I have to use the walker, it takes me awhile, but I have to get up and do for me when I am alone, or just to get a bit of exercise. Sometimes, I want to just get out of the house, do some shopping, go out to eat, but I am scared that people would look at me strange and laugh and judge me, so instead I opt for anyone who offers to come and take me out, I would just sit and cry. Sometimes when I am alone, I scream and cry real loud, and ask why me, why me, someone told me never to question the Lord, just be grateful for the things you have and do what you have to do. Since then I have not ask why me. I have called my brothers and cried, cried, cried. I have said to myself many times, Jo girl you are a strong person, stop this crying and get yourself together. I had become a bitter, angry, do not care, feeling sorry for myself type of women. So many emotions, and no good sense of smell. Everything smells awful, the heat that was coming from the vents to warm up the house was smelling rotten, I could not take any smell, whether it was food, perfume, lotions, whatever it was I could not take it, all smells made me extremely ill for a long time. I was trying to show everyone that I was okay, but in reality I was not. I was very weak, tired, cried often, and I felt alone. Not able to have the energy that I had before took a hold on my body. I felt my body tremble and shake, at times I wanted to reach out to someone to help me, but I did not want to be a burden to anyone. Therefore I went through this alone, or I thought I was alone. The Lord and his angel was there with me, I just did not know it at the time. I have seen times where I would fall out of bed and crawl to the Bath room. Stop this crying now, I looked around for something to read, and on top of my dresser my bible was still at women devotional bible ( faith, and I read it, I SURVIVED….. QUESTIONS ASKED, Joanne are you sure you just have breast cancer, look at you, you look so ill, I know of people who have or had breast cancer and they don’t look as bad as you, are you sure you only have breast cancer, without being offender I just answer yes, I only have breast cancer, however I asked my doctors the same question. Well, first of all the chemo treatment that I am taking is very strong and my body is not taking it very well. Not all women body type is the same. I have given information to some of my family and friends as to the type of chemo I am taking to read, I myself have read the information over and over to educate myself. I do whatever the doctors have requested that I need to do when taking chemo, take medications before and after chemo treatment, eat, drink plenty of fluids. I do it all, however my body knows and the results are I get sick from the chemo treatment. I cannot and will not speak for anyone who had, has or have Breast Cancer, I Read about Cancer, side affects, treatments, there is so much information on Cancer, that can be very informative to anyone that wants to know about it. I know it’s not something we would pick up and just read about, but don’t judge anyone until you have read or have knowledge about it. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. MY EXPERIENCE….I SURVIVED….. LOSING IT, What a weekend, cant seems to remember everything that has happened, I remember talking to one of my brothers, and of my niece. Jarrett had to tell me everything that happened, apparently I forgot everything, names, telephone number, my mind went blank, I was very upset to know that I have forgotten things. Jarrett had spoken to his uncle, I need someone to come in daily to help me for a while, especially when I have chemo and the few days after. Sometimes I have to look at a person to remember their name, or when someone calls and I do not recognize their voice I have to ask who it is, and normally I will know who is calling as I can recognize their voice. I have had about three to four personal accidents, where I thought I already been to the bathroom. I have already had my bath and about 1 hr later, I am running the bath water again, just to be reminded by someone in the house that I already had my bath. I had to make sure that I had all my family numbers close by and in a few places where it was visibly for me to see. Having to write down the medications I took for the day, so I won’t take them again. Getting upset over little things, everything has it place and if it is not in its place I get upset. The doctor says that I cannot work for a while, as the chemo treatments is very hard on my body. The chemo treatments are leaving me with very little strength for about 10-15 days after chemo . My friend Telina comes in to help me, which is a true blessing. I do get up and try to do for myself, even though I feel very week dizzy and tired, I try to do what I can and race to get back in bed. I would like to try and work, even if it for a few days of the week, but I know that no one is going to hire someone for just a few days of the month. I crocket quite a bit, which keeps me busy, I have a goal in mind (which is on my bucket list )so I keep crocheting hats and scarves. This is also therapeutic for my hands and fingers. Sometimes my fingers hurts so bad, I will have to apply some heat to them, wiggle them, exercise by opening and closing my hand, then I can do some crocheting which helps, sometime not, and sometimes I can crocket for hours. What a blessing. I SURVIVED….. COPING, It’s hard for me when I have my chemo and I do not feel ladylike when my sons have to take care of me. The first time both of my sons saw me crying because of the pain I was in, hurt me more than them. To know that I had to depend on them to assist me to the bathroom, help me when my legs go out on me, fix my food, that hurts me so much, only I know how much, however the words, the jokes, the way how they take care of me make me so proud of them, to know that they do not have second thoughts about helping their mama when she needs help. I did not know that my youngest son has been crying quite a bit here lately, as he does not know what he can do to ease the pain for me. Kayla has been a God send, as she has helped me tremendously when I needed help. To actually not have a family member which is a woman help me, I just wanted to have the strength to take care of myself, and at times that was totally impossible, as I get so weak, unstable. I have tried not to ask for assistance, I truly try to do for myself as much as I can. I do not want to become a burden on anyone, even if you are my family and want to help me. I know that with Gods help, I can do it, but at times, I also know that I need help. I have cried so many times of the thought that I have to ask for help for a couple of months and I am feeling less of a woman, mother, grandmother. Not being able to do walk, stand up straight like I use to do, is hard, I cried, cried, cried so much that my eyes and heart hurt. Getting pedicures, manicures was something I did for me, now I cannot do any of this, the pain is so painful where as I do not want any come near me or touch me. I feel less of a woman. THIS IS HOW I FEEL. At this time I am not listening to anyone telling me that I will have the help that I need, right now I just want to complete this first journey feeling good about myself, knowing that I have done everything the doctor had requested of me and what the expectation of myself. My expectation for this journey was extremely high, even though I was down and out for the majority of this journey, but I had to have high expectation, because I required it and my God required it from me. Only I know what the expectation was, even though I only realize it during the last part of my first journey. This journey was a flight that no one can prepare themselves for, you have to take one day at a time…the second part of my journey is about to begin….test for surgery…THESE ARE MY FEELING DURING MY JOURNEY….. I SURVIVED….. WEIGHT, Before I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, I was wearing a size 16 clothing, size 8 ½ shoe. I loved to go clothes shopping, and I am a handbags freak, (so I have been told by my sons) I very seldom throw away anything, and you could go into my closet and still find loads of clothes with tags still on them. Prior to my office switching to wearing uniforms, I use to enjoy shopping, but now I do no shopping, my clothes are too big for me. I am now wearing a smaller size, my clothes are so bagging on me, I feel like I am a hip hop sagging baggy clothes wearer mom. I decided to clean out my closet, since I could not wear any of the clothes in my closet, and I decided that when I become CANCER FREE, I will , I will , go on a shopping spree. However, I did not throw away any of my shoes, they are a bit big, however that’s ok, not giving up my shoes. I threw away so many clothes, that I believe I have just a handful of clothes left in the closet to wear. That’s ok, since I don’t go anywhere, just to the doctors and back, Wal-Mart now and then. I am always at home in my pajamas and a t-shirt. This too will pass and become a memory. Can’t wait to shop till I drop, I did a little bit of shopping, some personal items, 2 pairs of shorts and a few t-shirts, items that can fit NOW, at least I am not matching my sons and their friends when they take me to the store, bagging pants and auntie too. How I will be able to look back at this and laugh, a real good laugh, I SURVIVED….. My personal feelings, experiences, thoughts and reactions during each month of Chemo Therapy Starting November 2013, I will have 6 sessions of chemo treatments - every three weeks. The chemo sessions can last anywhere between 3 to 5 hours. November 2013, Before starting any Chemo treatments, there are so many things that I had to encounter. Getting a central line (Port), this port will be used to draw blood and administered chemo. Echocardiogram, first of many during my 6 sessions of chemo treatment. With all of this been done I started my first Chemo treatment November 11, 2013, I need my mama, I am still screaming inside of my body for her to hold me as I am so afraid today. I got up, spoke with my sister. I had exactly prepared myself for this day, but reality hit me in the face, I started to clean, cleaning is an outlet for meth e boys bathroom was dirty to me so I needed to clean before I go for chemo, crying, upset, and not wanting to hear from anyone that everything is going to be ok. Justin my youngest son was home and he was saying, mama relax, come on mama stop cleaning, get something to eat, everything is going to be ok No, this was the worst day of my life, I could not comprehend that I had Breast Cancer and was about to have poison administered in my body to make me well, could not get this thru my mind, I was scared as hell, no joke, no lie, and if my mom was here with me I know for sure I would be okay, but since she was not I felt so, so alone, even though I was not, but I felt empty inside, and I felt alone and I felt like there was no one that could be my mom right now. How I needed my mama (crying so hard that it hurts, my mind hurts, I leaned on my youngest son a lot. I really hope that he knows that I love him and I appreciate the shoulder. CHEMO THERAPY Session 1, November 11, 2013 Chemo….November 12, 2013 Chemo…November 13, 2013 (injection only), Both of my sons were there with me for my first chemo…..it was a long day, I slept for most of the time during chemo. I did not know what to expect, just did it, ask a lot of questions. This treatment of Chemo has taken over my body. I have to have two days of Chemo and then the third day I was to come back for the needle, so when my first day of chemo treatment was finished, all I wanted to do is to go home take a bath and go to bed. The second day of Chemo was the same as the first. However the third day after I had the shot in my left arm, I was sick for days. My body hurt from head to toe, all my bones aches and anyone that came near me my body hurt, I could not eat, sleep or drink, I had to rely on medications to help me thru this process. I thought that this feeling would never go away, it seems as if I would not survive this, I do not like pain, so therefore I was the biggest baby in the world, this pain was worst than labor pain, they say you don’t remember your labor pains, well they, whoever started this rumor, LIED, I will be going for chemo treating every 3 weeks, and each time I go, I will pray that the side affects are a bit less harsh on myself, and does not get worse. So, November 2013 is finish, let’s see what December 2013 brings me. I still do not want to continue as I hate pain. I SURVIVED. THANK YOU GOD. FAMILY, FRIENDS for all your support and Love. THIS IS HOW I FELT. December 2013, doing the Chemo treatment is ok, it’s afterwards, after chemo went to Wal-Mart to pick up some wool, needed to go home and just relax. Justin says that I will be getting my haircut this evening. For a couple of days my hair was falling out as I combed it, and the back of my head started to hurt. First, I was scared, started to cry and did not tell anyone, but eventually I mentioned it to my children and family. I went to a barber with my son and his girlfriend, but as soon as I saw the barber and his chair I just started to cry. Justin said that he would ask his barber if he could come and cut my hair at home, I would feel more relax at home. Finally, I had to come with turns and acknowledge the fact that I will lose all my hair, my eyebrows. Just embrace the fact that you will have no hair on your head for a long time. How long, do not know. So, I will be wearing a hat every day. I will not allow anyone to see me without something on my head. I feel embarrassed. Why, I do not know. You will never catch me without something on my head. As I was getting all my hair taken off, Justin was telling jokes and making me laugh, so that I forgot that I was getting all my hair taken off. Justin says that I look just like his brother with no hair and he kept saying that mama it looks nice. Don’t worry it will grow back, in the meantime we will get some wigs. I look in the mirror and to my surprise I did not shed not a tear. Thank you God for I know that you were right here in my kitchen with me during this time, and along with my Justin help me threw a difficult time. Thank you. That weekend we went and I got two short wigs I have worn each one of them only once. I SURVIVED. THANK YOU GOD. FAMILY, FRIENDS for all your support and Love CHEMO THERAPY Session 2….December 2, 2013 Chemo…December 3, 2013 ( injection only), While receiving chemo, I have no problems, it hours after the chemo, especially at night when my body is relaxing and then it starts, I suffer so much that I cry myself to sleep if I can, and take pain medication. This time all Chemo was done in one day and shot the next day. I was no good to myself or anyone else, as the pain in my entire body that night was no joke. I needed help that night. I could not do anything for myself, from bathing to getting my pajamas on. I could not even eat anything, so medications again, the medication helps with the pain but it has not ease the pain completely. The pain lasted as usual for a few days. CHEMO THERPY Session 3….December 30, 2013 Chemo…December 31, 2013 ( injection only), Not feeling well after chemo this time, just want to get home and get in my bed, food taste like paper, I could not even drink water, but I had to force myself to drink, so much pain, take more medication to help. I was so ill after this Chemo therapy that my oldest son Jarrett had to take me to the doctor office a few days after chemo. I was admitted into the hospital for overnight observation. I suffered so much, in a lot of pain. Plenty of fluids were given to me. I was release from the hospital, went home just rested for days. Plenty of fluids and medication. This chemo therapy took over all functions of my body. I will be going for chemo treating every 3 weeks, and each time I go, I will pray that the side effects are a bit less harsh on myself, and does not get worse. So, December 2013 is finish, lets see what January 2014 brings me. I still do not want to continue as I hate pain I SURVIVED. THANK YOU GOD. FAMILY, FRIENDS for all your support and Love. I did not realize that with each Chemo treatment I was going to feel extremely ill. I had not spoken to any support groups, or had any conversations with anyone who had or is having chemo treatment and what to expect. I constantly read the information about the chemo treatments that I am taking and the side effects that I can possible get, but I did not realize that with all the chemo treatments that I am receiving I have had all the side effects in such a way that I get extremely sick. How I do not want to continue this, I want to give up. Sores in my mouth, no nose hair, therefore I have sores in my nose and a nose bleed just about every morning. Not able to eat, or drink at times.
Posted on: Wed, 29 Oct 2014 05:01:00 +0000
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015