My response: I own what I have done. The question you are asking is why did I do any of this? The answer? Do the big 3 of my life know how to own what they have done? Hasnt yet even begun to appear that way. Dont think thats ever gonna happen in my lifetime. First one I didnt have a choice in who I got for that role. Second and third? Thought I fell in love with those two wisely. And damn did they prove me wrong. Still proving it to me to this day that I was wrong to love them. Oh that and that I wasnt good enough for them. Feels great to know that the man you love who says he loved you thinks that you are not good enough for him. Thats how I have been made to feel and think about those two. Certainly didnt think/feel that way in the beginning of my relationships/marriages with them. Not excuse for any of my actions in any way, shape or form but reasons nonetheless: Tons of both good and bad things I wouldnt have done in my life had it not been for those three. Tons of people that I wouldnt have met had it not been for those 3. I would have been still living in my birthplace/hometown had it not been for my first exs actions words before/during/after the ending of our marriage. Never said I was perfect. I am not perfect. I indeed have faults. Never said I didnt. No one is perfect and without fault. We all have faults. Imperfections. Things we have done that we both regretted and didnt regret. Things we have regretted saying and things we didnt regret saying. Things we wish we would have done. Things we wish we hadnt done. Think its called being human last I checked. Its what we do with ourselves that counts. And no matter if some consider me the worst person on this planet right now, thats their right to think/feel what they want. As for me, I can think of 3 that are worse than me. And they didnt/dont have to be either. They chose to. I have loved 3 men in my life more than the rest. The first one that I didnt have a say in the role he was in was most def in the wrong role. Never should have had that role. The second and third men that I loved? I thought we had it all save for some things that could have been better.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 17:20:20 +0000
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