My story of becoming a mom (English version of my earlier post for my Non Bengali Friends) I am a single daughter of my mother, a girl of a privileged class in Bangladesh. As a girl from a broken family I was effected probably more than the others like me. I was angry, annoyed, sad & overall an unhappy person. And one unhappy person can spread his/her pain into others easily, whether intentionally or unintentionally. My own suffering was so important to me that I was not noticing the pain my bed ridden mom was going through for years & years, I was not paying attention to the sacrifice my dad made living abroad without us to provide everything for us, I was not even thinking of my brother who in spite of all these trying to stay positive & live normally. Everything was minor compared to my own pain! I was trying to blame everything and everybody for my depression & the sufferings of loneliness. You can easily say I was self centred & selfish. Getting married, having family or being a mom was not in my to do list at all. Whenever those issues were discussed I would very ruthlessly declare, I dont want to get married, have a family or be a mom. I am happy this way. I want to stay Alone & happy. I thought I could stay happy alone, how naive!! It took quite a long time to realise I couldnt be happy alone. Suddenly I was asking myself, Why should I even live? What for? For whom? What a long boring life is waiting for me.... Then the person who held my hand, brought me out of that endless loneliness, he who just because he loved me stayed strong beside me is now my husband. Its our almost 7 years of togetherness. Yes Shafiq , my husband, my best friend, my guide & basically my complete support system. I am truly blessed & I thank God every time for having him in my life. I was careless, depressed & overall a negative person but after getting married to Shafiq everything started to change. I become happier, exciting & a positive person. I, who never wanted to have a family started telling other people I am enjoying having a family :) At some point of our happy journey I wanted to become a mom. Wanted to have our baby eagerly. But it wasnt happening. We were waiting... & somewhere during that wait time I felt the fear of not being able to be a mother ever. It was scary & sad. After lot of prayers & other peoples blessings now I am pregnant. Actually very close to my delivery. Waiting to hold our baby eagerly ... People around me repeatedly mentioned life gonna change a lot after having a baby. Life changes every moment, doesnt it? The feelings I have in my pregnancy, the physical changes, the love I feel for my unseen baby, the conversation I have with my unborn baby ...its all a different me. But my love for this different me is no less. I feel to be a better person for me, my hubby & my baby. I dont wanna give excuses for not being able to do something because I am mom, I feel the strength to make being a mom the reason to do incredible things! Please keep us in you prayer. May Allah bless us all. Ameen
Posted on: Sat, 19 Jul 2014 20:27:09 +0000
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