NEW BLOG FROM ASHLEY (Have to Read Both)- First One 7.05.2013Honestly...Life these days Things have definitely had their ups and downs lately and I have definitely been one of the down things. Life here has been really rough lately and I have tried my very very hardest to remain positive but it is so hard when there is nothing that is encouraging that positive attitude. I have been staying out at my school more weekends to try to get more work done on the garden. These kids barely have food and I want to get them more nutrition soon. However, no one else seems to have that mind set. My hands have been transformed from dainty girl hands to rough, calloused, blistering hands. The upside to all of this and a huge praise is that the poles for the garden are all in and cemented. Hopefully we will begin constructing the keyhole gardens this week and at least get a few things planted. I am eager to just see sprouts to reassure me that I am not doing all of this for nothing. I haven’t been homesick or wanting to come home this whole time I have been here but after these past few weeks I am ready to pack up my bags and go home to begin graduate school in the fall. Everything that could gone wrong or a problem could arise has. It started a few weeks ago when they were doing the budget. First, these people don’t understand finances nor priorities. DSTV was at the top of their list when the kids just received food this week. Which is a whole different story as well. Our learners haven’t had food at all until this week. We have been trying to collect money from the learners in order to go to Opuwo to buy the food. The government just delivered the food this week. We still don’t have school supplies. My kids don’t have pens or pencils. I don’t have paper to write on or to even make copies with and these people want to buy DSTV?! I had to type up and organize their budget as well as do the math. I thought I was only typing up the budget but I guess that there is some unspoken rule that whoever types it up is also responsible for buying everything on it. I have been used to do everything they don’t want to do. I have been in and out of town running errands, ordering supplies, making the garden, cleaning the office, typing up documents and the list goes on. This is on top of my teaching, lesson planning, and grading. I had to go to Opuwo to order supplies for them to fix the classrooms. I didn’t have a problem with this because I was going there to order things for the garden as well. The problems came when I brought the stuff to school. I knew what they needed and no one gave me guidance so I was left to make the decisions on my own. I asked for a few days what type of paint they wanted and no one gave me an answer so I just ordered creme because that is what they are right now. Well, I got cornered and yelled at for not getting the right color...because I can read minds, right? So I told them they could use it as a primer and get one color to do a top coat. I put my foot down and said no to doing the exchange. I was also deemed responsible to buy all the school supplies in Oshikati, a couple hours away. I refused to do that. I was/am exhausted and feel like every step forward I take I am brought back a couple more. Till this day the supplies are still not bought. Surprised? I’m not. It has been a hard few weeks since being back and my patience is running out quickly! I haven’t been homesick since getting here but lately it has really been kicking in and it is not something that goes away fast. Each day I have been spending more and more time talking to God because some days that is the only conversation I get besides teaching my learners. I can handle being out in the bush and not having any type of phone or internet service. I can get over the bucket baths and not having a stove. Those don’t bother me at all! But the way I have been treated, talked to and looked down at is what is getting to me. There is a line between culture and being rude and that line has been crossed numerous times. There is also a line between fulfilling a commitment and going insane. This is the decision I am facing right now. How much is too much and how much more can I take? I have been trying to convince myself that I am going to be better for this when I am done and that my learners need me to stay here. Honestly though, they care less about learning as well. So why am I really here? I would volunteer somewhere else in a heartbeat but this isn’t what I signed up to be. I have barely been teaching and no one could even care. In fact, one of my colleagues said that we need to work on focusing on sports because it isn’t like any of these learners are going to be doing anything with their lives. The inspector of our circuit also said that he doesn’t trust our school to function without the principal being here. Doesn’t that say so much about where I am? His worry is validated by the fact that on any given day there could be 1 to 2 teachers absent or leaving by break time. I have been looking at the feasibility of leaving and where I would go next. If things don’t change by August break I might be on a plane back to the United States with my brother and dad. In hopes that figuring out what I am doing next year will help me to feel like I am working towards something my parents and I have been making phone calls to different schools/jobs to see what would be the most beneficial. There are many choices, we just have to see what works out the best. Some options are: School in Argentina for the year, 6 months of school in the states then 6 months of school in Buenos Aires, Graduate School at University of Barcelona in Spain, or attending Grad School at Towson and living with my Grandma.
Posted on: Mon, 08 Jul 2013 17:22:49 +0000
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