New U.S. Income Tax return for Liberals Form 1969: U.S. Income Tax Return for LIBERALS NAME 1. Legal name ___________________________ 2. Yoga name ___________________________ FILING STATUS 3. Single ____ 4. Married ____ 5. Gay-Married ____ 6. Define yourself on the gender spectrum (with 1 being Boy George and 10 being Lady Gaga) _____ 7. Guantanamo Compost-Bin Fund. Please check here if you’d like $3 to go toward installing compost bins in the U.S. detention camp at Guantanamo Bay __ CANADIAN RESIDENCY 8. Please provide the address(es) where you lived in Canada from 1969 to 1973 _____, _____, _____, _____. INCOME 9. Wages earned from government agencies, non-profits, or from teaching Pilates to homeless folks _______ 9a. “Blood money” earned from for-profit exploits ________ 10. Check here to donate the total amount in line 9a, above, to Clowns Without Borders __ EXEMPTIONS 11. Number of dependents, including roommates, squatters or people with whom you feel a “deep connection” ______ 12. Number of human beings, denied the privilege of U.S. citizenship simply by accident of their birth, whom you allow to clean your toilets ______ ADJUSTED GROSS INCOME Please deduct the following non-taxable expenses/hardships: 13. Total value of all Toyota Priuses in household ______ 14. Amount spent on fair-trade coffee/quinoa/Hacky Sacks ______ 15. Credit for water saved by not showering ______ 16. Value of total miles biked in 2010, expressed in terms of degrees Fahrenheit reduction in global warming ______ 17. Value of the irony inherent in the fact that we kill people who kill people to show people that killing people is wrong ______ PAYMENTS/REFUND 18. Congratulations! You are entitled to a tax refund, and the government will still have enough money to expand. Shhh. It will all work out; just sign here ____________ ADDITIONAL FORMS To determine if you need to file additional forms, please check any of the following statements that you believe to be true: 19. The white streaks left in the sky by airplanes are “chemtrails” that contain biological/mind-control substances sprayed by the government __ 20. The moon landing was faked __ If you checked any of the boxes above, please attach Schedule 420-EZ for “Medical” Marijuana Users (see below). Schedule 420 EZ: “Medical” Marijuana Tax Form 1. Did you sell/smoke “hella” buds in 2010? __ Sure did. 1a. About how many joints/ounces/pounds? __ (a “guesstimate” will do) 2. What were the primary diagnoses being treated? 2a. Unclassifiable disease or general “vibe” __ 2b. Marijuana Deficiency __ 3. Is it cool if you pay some taxes? 3a. Dude! LAME to ask me that right now __ 3b. Ummmm? __ 3c. Right on! __ 4. If you answered “right on,” would you prefer to pay your taxes in cash, or barter with Phish tickets and/or bananas? (circle one) ————–
Posted on: Fri, 16 Jan 2015 12:31:16 +0000
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