October 24, 2013 2nd Entry: Okay its been one of those days. When I thought I would actually get caught up in my work and in mymind. Sometimes I just feel like my brain is two steps behind constantly attempting to catch up. But it never does. And to make matters worse, in my thought life anyway I see myself running through an endless fog unable to see more than a few feet on my face. I remember one night I was coming back from SPC. The road from Levelland to Plains is a very long one at night. In the dark, everything looks the same; and on a very rare night like this, I was trepidacious to go any faster than 30 miles an hour for fear of the oil trucks that run like maddogs even at night. Windshield wipers did no good, for it was not true rain. Bright lights did not help. The reflection on the particles only enhanced the obscurity, instead of diminist it. What normally took 30 minutes took 2 hours. The air behld an eeriness that even now I cannot describe. It was as if the ghosts were out. I have never been so glad to be home in my life. That’s how my mind feels on the inside somedays. Just when I thought I would have momentum, I tripped over another’s plans. Simplete disruptions are not so simple for me. Good thing the Good Lord maybe me smart because otherwise I would not be able to catch up. But He is faithful and so I survive another day. And of course, as I try to put myself to sleep to wake up at a decent hour to get something done…this is when my mind decides its time to arise. My body is weary, my mind is alive. When the two harmonize that is when I feel truly alive. That is when I know most people feel all the time. I candescribe my depression only as a weariness that can never be shaken, never forgotten, and always battled if one want to live a semi-charmed life. To remember I am different is often exhausting. But what am I to do but trust God that as I will never truly be free of this, His grace is enough. I may hae bad days…but as the old proverb says…it does not mean I have a bad life. I can be thankful for so much…like having enough money in the bank for music, and being able to walk about in pubic with some ease. Dad is shaping things up in Midland, Samantha is getting better, Elizabeth is too. I have so much to be thankful for. And the ability to be grateful, does indeed change everything. Word Count: 454/4946
Posted on: Fri, 25 Oct 2013 04:03:12 +0000
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