Ok, 3am realizations and confessions. Its long, forgive me! Ok... Having to quit culinary school took a bigger emotional toll than I ever expected; I felt really embarrassed about essentially dropping out (and having to pay back student loans for something I didnt get to complete is awful, since it costs my family money every month!). I also felt super self conscious because I know my creative and decorating skills are just not up to the level of those around me and so few people were giving me the opportunity to practice and hone those skills. Talk about a let down! I have often felt like I would never find a career that I feel passionate about. And Ive pretty much handicapped myself, and my future, by allowing my insecurities to reach absurd levels! Ive convinced myself theres nothing Im good ENOUGH at that someone would want to hire me over someone else in my field. I even believed Jamba wouldnt hire me back cause Im too old! Hahaha crazy, right?! Well, with all this self love Ive been focusing on the last 6 months, I feel like Ive opened my mind to things I never knew I could do/be. This has lead me to researching and learning about different things I didnt know existed, or maybe didnt know in what capacity they existed! I finally opened up to Derek about some of my ideas, because I felt too stupid to before. Hopefully I find one that will lead to a future that enhances others lives as well as my familys- the way his passion does. :) And if not one of the things currently in my sight, maybe moving forward in my readings I will come across my THING! Either way, I feel like Im finally in a place to find it and thats exciting to me, even if one of these new adventures isnt my calling. Im proud of myself for no longer being too afraid to better myself! :) THIS is why loving me for me was my resolution this year, look where its already taking me. :) Ok, sorry for the huge post. Maybe Ill start a blog so I dont crowd your feed ;) Good night/morning!
Posted on: Sun, 23 Mar 2014 10:16:08 +0000
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