Okay, I can be grateful for my friends and family. In no way can I be grateful for what I’m going through right now. I can’t be grateful for my husband’s death, I can’t be grateful for my empty bank account, I can’t be grateful for no income I can’t be grateful for losing my home, I can’t be grateful for the possibly of losing my car. I defiantly can’t be grateful that I have to live to see and experience this. Sorry but no loving God or Parent would do something like this to their child. God or what we perceive as God does not love or hate it’s all the same to this energy. It is our need to make some kind of sense out of these kinds of tragedies that comes up with the reason for everything saga. Sometimes things are “Just Is” and sometimes even if that provides little to no comfort that’s what one must in particularly I must accept. This is just the way it is and there is nothing I can do about what Is. How I choose to react to it is up to me. What I do know is if I live through this and sorry people but I hope I don’t, I have been condemned to a life of emptiness and void. I’m not looking forward to that. This is something that I can’t do anything about again “Just Is.” My life will never be as good as it was with Tom. No amount of words can change that once again, "Just Is” There is no great plan, There is no saving factor or some kind of Big Picture I don’t see yet. This is nothing more than energy flowing the way energy flows. For whatever reason I’m not meant to carry out those goals. If I were Tom would be alive, If I were all those things that happen before that where Tom and I just brushed it off and continued on would not have happen. Something about my energy wasn’t meant to succeed. I’m learning to accept that now. This is not the life I want to live. I’m sorry people that many of you think it’s so bad that I don’t want to live anymore. For what purpose. Tom’s gone planes canceled empty deep void for the rest of my life. I think it’s important to realize Death is inevitable we’re all going to die someday. Why do people find it okay to pray for someone to live but not pray for someone to die. It’s not good or bad it is Just Is… When death is merciful then why would it be a bad thing to pray for it. Why would one pray for someone to live if life will bring them nothing but agony and pain. If life no longer has value. I swear our fears and religion has missed up our grip on reality. I am now facing my worst fears, Tom died, and I’m losing everything, it seems for some reason I am meant to face my worst fears rather than my greatest desires. I don’t know for sure why I could guess at it. One theory I hold onto is that I’ve been cursed by those I have angered in my life. It doesn’t matter. I prefer death over what I’m facing. I prefer death over what my future if I stay alive is holding for me. So yes death is merciful.
Posted on: Wed, 24 Jul 2013 18:15:24 +0000
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