One of my daughters was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth, while my wife was keeping her company. Suddenly, I heard screams and bangs against the wall. I stopped what I was doing to listen. More bangs. I ran to the door… Me: “Are you all right? What’s going on in there?” Wife (through the door): “There’s a *camel cricket* in here!” Me: (Oh, for…) “Okay, honey. Now, keep calm—they can smell fear.” Wife: “This is NOT funny, Tim! You know that I *hate* camel crickets! Come in here and *KILL IT!*” (The funny thing is that she isn’t bothered by other insects—just camel crickets and earwigs.) Daughter: “How did it get in here?” Wife: “They live in the basement, and it must have come up a vent.” Daughter: “I’m never going in that basement again!” Tim (calmly): “All right. Coming in.” I walk into the bathroom to find my daughter perched on the toilet, and my wife standing poised with a magazine, in case the critter charges her again. (*The blood lust is upon her.*) The closet has been half emptied to get at the thing. “Okay, hon’. Gimme the swatter.”I take the magazine and commence to rooting around in the closet until I flush the varmint—bam, Bam, BAM! I pick it up in a tissue and turn towards the toilet. My daughter goes squeamish and shies out of the way. Wife: “Is it dead?” Tim: “Yeah, see…? LOOK OUT! THIS THING’S STILL TWITCHIN’!”(I shake the tissue under her nose.) They both gave a little squeal-scream. My wife recovers quickly (she knows me, after all). Wife: “Tim, you *stinker!* Stop laughing! How could you?!” Tim: “I’m a guy—it comes with the territory. Y’all should’a seen your faces!” Wife: “And just *why* does your Southern drawl get thicker when you kill something?!”
Posted on: Thu, 01 Aug 2013 02:15:13 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015