One of the most important factors in life is the sensibility of enjoying the little things in life which seems to me we tend to forget more and more as we get older. Personally i reflect on most days that notion of memory which played in my head over and over again as a child. I always catch myself staring a the sky and gasping for air and attemping to smile with all that i call my heart. Living at this point where im at filled with all the consequences of my actions can trully drive a man into insanity, or so my small mind thinks. Trying everyday to figure again that spark to just jump up and say i love my life, seems to take the bit of pain i carry on most days. I attempted looking for happiness in many drifferent places but at the end of every bottle or cigarrete bud i found myself lonely and unfufilled. There was never enough liquor, never enough parties or bars, their was never enough girls, at the end of the night i would go home and fall alseep by myself only to be acompanied by my blanket and pillow. Waiting for the weeked took too long, i found the rest of the week was a waste of time, and most of my energy was spent working and preping for the weekend. Making calls, finding the rights clothes and shoes to go with it and waiting for the check to come to live it up that weekend, if u could call that living. I created a persona whom brought the life to the party just trying to have a good time and showing everyone wat a great freaking life i had. Beneath everything of course was a shattered heart, and broken man who did not make enough time for those who trully mattered. Instead i spent my time with those who told me,its all good bro; ur young. this is wat single people do, party on. Maybe those werent the exact words, but you get the idea. For a few months i kept up this attitude: partying, chilling, throwing away money like it was confetti. Nevertheless, i had some memorable times, learned a thing or two, which i like to call doing the wrong things the right way. See, i did not care where i was going; i just knew i was having fun and i wasnt hurting anyone as far as i was concerned, or so i thought. Eventually my ballin days came to an end one night, after drinking and loosing my license. The time came when consequences began to sprout, even though i tried so hard to ignore them. My life took quite a turn; my money started disappearing real quickly and my so-called friends were nowhere in sight unless I attempted to contact them. Then, unexpectedly, the night after, i came across someone who had been right in front of my eyes the whole time but i had never thought to approach, and without thinking about it, one night we struck a conversation and it went so much further than i imagined it. I met her. We talked for several hours, and after putting everything out on the table i realized i had never had such a deep conversation with anyone in my life. I was struck with immense joy and confusion; i could not explain such a feeling. Athough, one thing was certain: there was something very special about her and i was not about to let her slip through my fingers. I had to find out what this feeling was, and could not help it; i just had to. Something came over me, i could not control it, and without warning or thought, my lips opened. Before i knew it, i had asked her out and to my surprise, she said yes. It had been a very long time in which i couldn t believe how happy i was. We began to date, we went out as often as we could, i drove everywhere i could think of to spend time with such and beautiful lady. Soon after i asked her to be my girlfriend and just like that i could not believe it i had wat deep down i desired to have ,a significant other who brought warmth to my heart and a real smile to my face. All was well, i was trully happy but yet in the back of my head my past haunted me. I was not goin to let that stop me from what i had with her though she was just the peek of my everyday happiness. 22 going on 23 sitting in my living room watching TV and pondering on future ambitions related to what i want to do wit this energy I wish to burst. I want to liberate all my skills to gather more to consume knowledge wich many dont do in a lifetime. I want to be able to control these ideas yet i do not know how to organize them to make something woderful happen. Many want money, power, an abundance of riches. My perception of life does not fall in that order, instead searching for love, for happines, for a peace of mind. Ive chosen to go back to school to pursue a career and to organize these thoughts. So far ive come up wit a few solutions and if I can not save all these ideas then the next best thing is to record them, what better memory than that of a computer to do the job. Computers are quickly growing, and i do not think theyre going anywhere any time soon, their rapidly evolving so im going to have to catch up as much as i can and consume as much wisdom i can and continue from there. Possibly not my calling but its worth a try and in my mind at the moment it sounds pretty exciting. Even as i sit and write these thoughts and feeling i constanly catch myself drifting a bit or rather just expanding my curiosity. Computers, photography, filming, and music all rapidly and constant growing industries. Get involved, learn the trade and achive what many can not. Ive gone through so many jobs, warehouse, restaurant, driving, technician, welding, automotive, and none for me to want to stay or say this is what i see myself doing for the rest of my life. At the moment i dream of wearing a suit, driving a convertible and having my track ready car in the garage which i have always dreamt about. A small modern house, little bachelor pad per say, stylish clothing and taking care of myself. Kaidence my beautiful little girl i want to give you a better and beautiful life where you can wake up every morning and enjoy your life. I love you, i will bleed, sweat, and cry with my hard work so that i can make you smile and show you that you are my entire world and my ONE LOVE. Since the very day i held you in my arms and looked into your gorgeous eyes I knew you are the one that is going to push me further to limits I did not know i had to strive and give you and myself a better life. Im uncertain of what lies ahead in our path but i will try and try and try till I get it right till the last breath I take to show you that i care so much about you. Im a young father to you so i will make alot of mistakes beacouse you did not come with instructions but that does not matter I know that god put you in my life for a reason and I will hold you, take care, of you and let no one hurt you as long and im alive. Te amo mucho, mi nena linda, presiosa, y hermosa. Thursday dec.20,2012 . I sit beside a very important part of my life, history and blood holds us together n better yet a good nature of trustworthy set of words and experiences. Watching a movie, movies move me and make me understand different points of view well beyond my grasp. It’s a story being told. A story similar to mine, full of obstacles and memories that will and continues to tell my story. So my story is not finished being told and neither is most of those around me whom I’m glad to have known and am grateful to have shared a small part in their life.
Posted on: Mon, 25 Aug 2014 11:39:00 +0000
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