Our last night with Snickers and goodbye morning. Last night was an enjoyable evening with Snickers. After playing in the yard and taking several selfies, we sat on the patio and watched football. Snickers laid at our feet. After the first game was over, we wanted to have family story time for the second consecutive night. Snickers had difficulty walking to Alexs room, but made it. She laid her head on the floor for several minutes before we could elevate her spirits enough to get her to lift her head. After the boys were put to bed, Erin and I laid on the couches and loved on Snickers as she laid at our feet. She vomited multiple times, releasing everything shes eaten in the last 2 days. We made the decision to leave her alone, but I wouldnt leave her side. We were both hopeful that she would peacefully fall asleep and not wake. Because I refused to let her die alone, I stayed on the couch all night, wanting to stay awake to watch her. She vomited twice more through the night. At 4:30 I woke up and saw her sitting by the back door, her head elevated slightly so she could see out the window. Her breathing was laborsome and I could hear her heartbeat from a foot away. I checked the hours for the vet, open at 7am. I woke Erin at 6:40 and said its time. Snickers was still having difficulty breathing and her heart was beating loudly. She laid in a little cubby just outside our bedroom. We agreed to wake Alex. Alex came in, we all sat down, and we cried. Alex said he knew she was very sick. We told him that she was going to go with Daddy and would not return. We took several pictures over the next few minutes. My mom had asked for me to get a last picture with her sitting on her hind legs, with me knelt beside her. I tried to get her to sit up, and when she did, she instantly collapsed. I changed her bloody bandage for the last time. I carried Snickers to the car and set her inside. When I started the car, my Pandora (out of a stroke of randomness), began playing Lifehouses Between the Raindrops. Fitting song that talks about walking through the rain of life with someone beside you. As Ive mentioned before, she was my living partner through the darkest days of my life. She had walked between the raindrops with me. I got to the vet and Snickers began to tremble nervously. She knew. She still was unable to walk so I carried her. The vet staff knew why I was there and took me straight to a room where I laid her on the floor, her head in my lap. I wept as I said my goodbye and thanked her for her loyalty and friendship. I then watched her go to sleep. I laid on the floor next to her for several minutes, and while I was in tears I felt a calm peace. She was no longer struggling. In 2 weeks I will return to pick up her ashes and bury them in the greenest part of the yard. Ive always been skeptical of cremating a pet, but now I understand the closure it brings. I pulled in to the garage and Alex heard the car. He was excited and told Erin that we get to have another fun day with Snickers. We sat and told him that she was chasing cats and playing in Heaven now. He doesnt understand, but I cant help but believe we handled the last few days in the most loving and transparent way possible. We have cleaned the house and put her things away. Her collar hangs on the backdoor hinge. So now we sit here. The house is quiet besides the occasional mama from Christopher and the morning PBS show on TV. Its awkwardly quiet. Were sad, but strangely at peace. Thanks to everyone for your very kind words over the past couple days. It helps tremendously to see your words of encouragement. Thank you for also allowing me to use this forum as a way to document my experience. When I grieve, I find that I turn to writing.
Posted on: Tue, 09 Sep 2014 15:15:37 +0000
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