Over the past year, I have felt my bipolar slowly slipping past the stage of cyclothymic. My lows have become much lower and deeper. I met my bio dad when i was about 30 years old (9 years ago). Until then, I was pretty uneducated about bipolar. My bio dad said that he saw some of the signs in me, and asked me to see a psych to be evaluated...and I did. I was diagnosed cyclothmic. Through watching my bio dad, I got a quick, hard lesson of the toll that bipolar can take on a person, a family, children, etc. Now, as I feel my bipolar progressing, it scares the living hell out of me. As I am experiencing these much more intense episodes, I have found myself very scared for my future. It is eating me up inside, as I see how it is affecting my immediate family and my precious kiddo..my reason for fighting and being.Apparently my bio grandparents are both bipolar, along with my bio dad and his two brothers. Fortunately, my mom is very understanding and supportive, as is my husband. Yet, among all of these amazing supporters that I have, there is still a feeling of loneliness. As, no one else can truly understand the depths that my soul reaches, and the torment that is created by this nasty mental illness. My mind scares me at times, and I am holding on strong to the idea that I will get through this, just as I have survived the trials of my past. Yes, even with the positive attitude...I am scared and exhausted. I know that many of you can relate to what I am feeling. That is one blessing of this page...I feel a little less alone. No, I am not a danger to myself right now, just scared and uncertain of the future. But, I will not quit fighting through this. Thanks for letting me vent!
Posted on: Wed, 26 Nov 2014 03:34:11 +0000
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