PLEXIGLASS Some days are easier than others and some are like a sheet of plexiglass I didn’t see but suddenly I’m rendered ‘full stop’… when I stop moving I find the time to reflect, to feel every inch of what it means to be alive on this Earth, today. All the tragedies that fill my newsfeed, the pain and sufferings of those thousands of miles away and then those across the block. They swirl amongst my own painful rumblings, my own personal losses yet somehow become juxtaposed against a 3 minute video of a kitten discovering it’s own tail or a small child who courageously takes it’s first step. I am grateful for the joyful social media interludes. I am grateful for the moment where my mind does not wander to the ‘what if’, or the ‘have to’ or the worst of them all… ‘I am afraid’. “What if” life took a turn that was unexpected and I must recalibrate almost daily even though the ground still occasional shakes … Personal evolution may be our greatest virtue. So what that I “have to” figure out the next chapter so that I can at least start writing it…. Our stories will be the legacy that lives on when all has grown dark. “I am afraid”… I am afraid of not getting back to the road, I am afraid of making a misstep, I am afraid of not being enough, not reaching my potential, not knowing what direction to travel when the map’s been torn to pieces. I see the news, my heart aches but this time for the world and somehow I and my fears disappear into that world. They lose their power when I see all the suffering around me. My fears beg to be strong, to be courageous, to turn their cowardice into care. Care for others. My therapist would remind me to be sure and take care of myself. And I will. I do. But the heart wants more than just self-care. It wants to give and receive compassionately. Today I am met with the plexiglass that goes unnoticed until I slam hard into it. Before I go and let my ‘what ifs’, my ‘have to’ or my ‘I’m afraid’ take over I think of the simple joy of a child first learning to walk. There is so much in the beginning that the child will never see coming. So much they will have to endure in every step that comes next… then one day when they grow old enough they will find a way to take hold of their fears too. To fill the panicked breathless spaces with love and somehow they’ll know just how to send it out into the world. I pray for that child in all of us. I pray away our fears. I pray for love to fill our voided spaces and then spill onto others.
Posted on: Fri, 09 Jan 2015 01:50:01 +0000
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