Parents are often startled to realize that relational aggression -- using the threat of removing friendship, ostracism, and other forms of social exclusion -- can appear in children as young as three years old. And as educators and parents observe these more subtle forms of bullying, it’s becoming clear that they require as much attention as physical aggression. In the Wall Street Journal Online, Laura Barbour, a counselor at an Oregon elementary school, observes, “Kids forget about scuffles on the playground but they dont forget about unkind words or being left out.” Relational aggression appears to be more common in girls than boys, perhaps, researchers say, because the average girl is more socially developed and more verbal than a boy of the same age. These “mean girl” tactics are often considered a middle-school problem, but both parents and teachers report them in elementary school and even preschool classes. Laurel Klaasen, a counselor at an elementary school in Iowa, says, “Theyre already thinking at that age about being popular, being the queen of the classroom, or the queen of the playground and vying for that position.” While relational aggression tends to increase with age, parents and educators can do a lot to counteract it. Simple lessons in empathy -- “Imagine how it would feel if someone did that to you?” -- go a long way to preventing relational aggression. Tracy Ludwig, author of multiple anti-bullying books, also says that “kids dont understand that manipulating friendships and relationships is bullying and thats what Im trying to educate the kids and the staff about.” When she does classroom presentations, one way she makes her point is to ask kids whether they would rather suffer a physical attack or relational aggression; over 90% of kids say relational aggression is more hurtful. In other words, she says, “Theyd rather be punched in the stomach.” Most importantly, parents and teachers have to understand that relational aggression isn’t something kids, especially younger-grade kids, can work through on their own. Samantha Parent Walravens’ kindergarten daughter Genevieve ended up caught in a best-friends triangle that left her crying with a stomachache, not wanting to go to school; with some cooperation from the teacher, they both encouraged the other girls to understand how Genevieve felt, and encouraged Genevieve to develop other friendships to support her. Walravens says, “I always tell her you can go to me or the teacher and we will help you work it out. A lot of the stuff they cant work out on their own.” You can read the full WSJ article via the link below. For two books for young children that address relational agression, we highly recommend Trouble Talk for ages 6 to 9 (amightygirl/trouble-talk) and My Secret Bully for ages 5 to 8 (amightygirl/my-secret-bully); Our section of bullying prevention books for parents also includes two titles that deal specifically with relational aggression, “Little Girls Can Be Mean: Four Steps to Bully-Proof Girls in the Early Grades” (amightygirl/little-girls-can-be-mean), which tackles relational aggression in the early grades, and “Queen Bees and Wannabes” (amightygirl/queen-bees-and-wannabes), which discusses relational aggression tactics among tweens and teens. For a variety of books for kids and parents that address bullying of all types, weve prepared a three-part blog series on bullying prevention. In the first part of the series, we showcase books for preschool and early elementary-aged children on teaching empathy and responding to bullying: The End of Bullying Begins With Me: Bullying Prevention Books for Young Mighty Girls, at amightygirl/blog?p=4741 In the second post, we feature recommendations for tweens and tweens: Taking a Stand Against Bullying: Bullying Prevention Books for Tweens and Teens at amightygirl/blog?p=4804 And, in our final post, we share resources for parents and educators to help them better understand childhood bullying and learn how best to respond to it: Leading the Way: Bullying Prevention Books for Parents and Educators, at amightygirl/blog?p=4900
Posted on: Fri, 30 May 2014 15:35:02 +0000
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