Please Read... I have tried to imagen a place where I could be alone. Somewhere I could feel some since of normalness. My whole world is just colapsing around me. Everyone I know is being odd. No one is as they used to be here anymore. I begin to wonder if Ihave ever truly known the people around me. Everyone is not how I remember them to be. Every room in this house has been taken and changed and made a new. But the newness of every room is not comforting to the slightest.Its unsettling to me. I want to break away from the newness that has filled my life. I want what I had back. I know that it may not have been perfict but it was by far better then what I have been given this time around. As I look for a place where I could be alone and feel safe I know that for once in my life I am the only one who sees what is wrong and knows very well that what is happening is beyond wrong. I dont want to be here anymore. I want out of this nightmare I know for a fact is indeed a nightmare. I long for something better. This is not safe for us. My family treds on thin ice with everything as we speak. I am far to conserned about what is happening to my family and the life I use to know to be worried about my school work about my friends about my dreams. What happenes in this house is taking away from the things I could be. I am in souch a bad mood and dont feel well. I know why i dont feel well. I feel ill because My family makes me sick. The only sain person in this family that I can truly relie on is my grandmother. I sadly cant say the same for my own mother. I hate to say it but this seems too unbarable to me. I want out of this so badly. I dont like what has happened to my loved ones. My mother has lost her sinces. My brother has gotten himself into deep water.My sisters are not acting how they use to. As for me well I just keep making different mistakes. They are bad mistakes and I wish I could do something about them but I cant think of one thing to do about this whole thing. I just keep praying for something better. Oh God please just help me. I want to run as fast as I can and as far as I can. I will go as far as to say that I hate this life as it is now. I know I shouldnt complain I have more than some people but I live in a family who keeps making the same mistakes over and over again. I want out of this. I dont feel as tho we are doing anything right anymore. I hate this so much but there is nothing I can do. Nothing but cry... No one could understand what I am feeling right now. No one. I wish I could do something to get away from this but there is nothing I can do. I miss my dad. I havent seen him in days its been about three weeks since i have seen him. Just typing this makes me cry. I do so wish that someone could help me. tell me what I am doing wrong. Maybe i could go back and fix something and make it right again. Im in so much pain its beyond controll. I feel like I have lost it all. My family my friends the one I love... My sanity... I want help I just dont know who to go to to find the help I require. Or am I far too gone to be saved. Far to gone to be helped. I dont think I will ever know.
Posted on: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 20:16:17 +0000
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