Post 48. {AZRA} ‘Oh gawwwwwd another foot in the mouth moment’...I just cant keep my big mouth shut! First Su now Saj, but must they all get so so angry??? I didnt know Isi will get so angry and give Su the silent treatment. I apologised again to her “Im really sorry Su” I tell her on the phone. “I cant believe he’s still angry” “Its fine Az, he was jealous already... you just added oil to the fire and me getting defensive made it worse “Still, Im feeling so bad Su and Faizel shouted me “Az, stop now. I know how you are. You didn’t mean it...its fine stop stressing Az. Now about the baby shower. Did you see Zahra’s face?” We chat some more and I end the call. I decide to go over to Saj and apologise to her and Yusuf again also. After Faizel shouted me I sat and did some thinking, he says Ive become bitter and it feels like all I care about is money. I dont even realise Im pushing everyone away and how Im complaining all the time, people are saying Im a snob! When I went to fetch kids from school I heard some moms speaking about this course they went on, how to handle your stress. I decided to go for it, I phoned the lady and booked my space. It might just be what I need or if that doesn’t work I feel like I have to be on anti depressants. Im shouting at the kids constantly for silly things, I see fear in their eyes when I start screaming. Everything is irritating me, we havent had alone time in forever. When Faizel just touches me I find a reason to start a fight ,Im basically not coping ! Its really not that I just want money. I just need a plan to cope, I need schedules and like things to be consistent. I think I don’t cope well with changes, and I need to learn to accept that I cont control everything all the time. Maybe I’m something of a perfectionist...Whatever it is I need to find a way to manage all this stress, and to cope better. I stop by Saj place, the boys have no madressah today so I have time to relax. “Slms Saj , hows Irfaan doing ?” She says “Hes doing better, it was a viral infection. He still doesn’t sleep very well at night, but apparently when kids just start school or crèche, they do get sick often at first... He’s ok now though” “Saj Im really really sorry for spoiling you guys getaway. Aunty Fazila said she was going to message you thats why I thought you knew. And I know how you are with Irfaan so I really thought she would’ve told you, or else I would never do that to you. Im so happy to see you and Yusuf getting along so well. I dont want to be the reason you fighting.” Saj just looks at me for a second, then gets up and hugs me Wow Az, this you ‘being poor’ is bringing you down to earth. Since we were in school, I think this is the first time I ever hear you apologise! We laugh about it and chat few minutes. That’s the most amazing thing about having a sister. No matter what happens, what you say, a sister always understands
Posted on: Fri, 21 Nov 2014 08:05:17 +0000
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