Posted on our Wall: A- This is the status I put on my page. I thought it might help others here also. As you all know we lost a baby on August 13th of this year. His name is EJ and he is our child and we love him the same as we do our living children and the same as you love your children. While we have had mostly positive responses to pictures and other things we have posted, a few well meaning friends and love ones do not understand why we do this or how we can heal and move on while doing it. Let me start by saying that we have no intention of “moving on”. We will always be grateful for and celebrate our child’s life no matter how short it was or how much it hurt to lose him. We are sorry if seeing these things makes you sad, worried for us or upsets your sense of what is proper but please dont be sad for us. Be grateful we had our baby boy even for such a short time. It is so important to us to celebrate his life and we cant do that if we put him and his things in a box and simply put them away. There is no healing in that only denial of his existence. Seeing EJS feet doesnt make me sad. Actually quite the opposite. He is my child and any memory of him makes my heart soar with joy just as pictures and memories of my other kids do. He is a part of our life every day, in his pictures, keepsakes, the ashes in his urn, in the faces of his siblings and his brothers smile and laugh. Before you say something to an angel parent think how you would feel if God forbid one of your living children died and that was said to you or about them. It isnt speaking about and posting pics that breaks our hearts. It is knowing that others do not see them the way we do and having to defend our feelings. We are sad and miss our baby, but we are very proud and loving parents none the less. When something I post makes you sad stop for a moment and think that maybe seeing a post or pic of your living child may make me sad also. I would not however ask you to take down your photos and stop talking about them. October is pregnancy and infant loss awareness month. It is so important that we talk about this no matter how uncomfortable it may be. I cannot tell you how many stories I have heard of parents who have nothing to remember their babies by. No pictures, no keepsakes, no ultrasound pictures, no ashes or grave. Some of these parents never saw their baby, held their baby or even felt their baby move. I am truly blessed to have delivered EJ where I did and had amazing nurses and doctors who talked to me, took pictures for me and made sure I left with as many things to remember my baby as possible. These people may have never met me before that day, but they grieved with us and rejoiced with us that yes EJ had lived and was our precious boy. This is not the case for the majority of families. We prepare expecting parents to bring home their baby. We need to have a light shone on this so we can prepare those parents for what to do after they hear the words “I am sorry but there is no heartbeat”. They need to know how to pack a bereavement bag so that they don’t come home with nothing but empty arms and broken hearts. There is healing in holding your baby, taking pictures of your baby and talking about your baby. There are parents who do not and may never have a living child. Please don’t deny them the ability to cherish and celebrate their child’s life every day the same way you do yours.
Posted on: Fri, 03 Oct 2014 04:40:53 +0000
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