Quite a long year this has been for me. The last twelve months or so saw a storm rip into my life in ways that were truly unimaginable. So many bad events took place during this time that recapping them would take longer than Id care to spend. I have faced every one of my greatest fears during this season in hell. There were many times I felt I would not survive the waves of heartache and loss. Ive had many a late night just staring at the ceiling in the dark... questioning everything. But somewhere in the hurt and turmoil, God began to make and keep promises to me. At first, they were hour by hour. He simply held me up. Soon they were day to day and then week to week. With Gods constant companionship I began to find my way to my feet again. He provided me with the strength to forgive, evidence to dispel lies, and friendships to weather lifes challenges together. God strengthened my closest relationships and even brought a few new ones with similar hearts to breathe hope and vision into me again. And so as I lay here at 4 in the morning, I am in tears over how epically God has turned my life for the good. Im truly shocked at how happy I am. I cannot tell you how He healed and fixed everything so fast... But He did. Every loss has been replaced with a gain. Every hurt has healed stronger than it was before. Every lie had been exposed by truth. Every person who matters to my future is firmly in my life. I learned some new skills in all this as well. I stopped hoping for a wonderful life and started making one with my own two hands each day. I decided to not care what my enemies thought about me or honor their lies by caring what deceit they spread. I fell in love with my own laugh again. I completely stopped comparing myself to others. I cut off useless relationships or simply let them drift into the distance. I learned that some calls or texts just dont need to be answered... Ever. And if people wanted to walk out of my life.... I gladly held the door open for them. I have learned to cook, dance, fence, sing karaoke, do stand-up comedy, and hit a curve ball this past year. Ive become convinced of the great value in truly valuing myself. I have refused to be someones other and decided Im worth being someones only. Ive even dated again... And found it fat less scary than I thought it would be. I also have discovered that some woman like men like me. I have learned to ignore haters completely. I found a new gear to my work ethic and punched it. My friends and I lost almost all our income and yet I was able to somehow keep afloat, pay for my daughters college, a roof over my boys heads and food on the table... All while I reinvented my entire profession and income streams. And the doors that have been opened to my friends and I are nothing short of miraculous. I cannot remember the last time I looked back at my past or those who exited it. I mean, why look back when the present and future are so glorious! I feel no hate or bitterness in my heart towards anyone for anything. If all of that had to happen to get me here... Well... I would go through it all again. Being free to live, love, and belong with real friends and family made it all worth it. Ive seen and lived the fake stuff enough in my life. Ive witnessed empty promises, pretend friendships, and make believe families... But now Ive seen what the authentic looks like. Ive tasted what God had planned all along. And I must admit... His way is better. Im going to sleep a little now. Tomorrow I get to go see my friends newest baby. After that, Ill go do some Christmas shopping and hang out with my kids and some friends. Perhaps we will watch some classic Christmas movies in the evening. But no matter what we do, every time I laugh, smile, or enjoy a moment with those I love, Ill pause a second or two to thank God for keeping His promises to me... Even when I was too hurt to keep mine to Him.
Posted on: Sat, 20 Dec 2014 11:25:38 +0000
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