RANT WARNING - I just found something I wrote some time back when there was an email going around from some Conservative guy who wanted a DIVORCE from liberals. This is the settlement option I wrote. Dear Conservatives, I get e-mails all the time from conservatives who think any idea that comes from a bleeding-heart liberal egghead Democrat is poorly conceived and poorly done, all to the detriment of the nation. OK, if you don’t like the plans and programs of the Progressives, leave. Pack up and go, just like a divorce. We’ll split all the American things. On behalf of Progressives everywhere and of every political stripe, wed like to make a proposal: *Well keep the Constitution and all the Amendments, specifically including the Bill of Rights. We wrote it. Its ours. But you can keep all the presidential libraries. *You can keep Totalitarianism and Fascism. The last president and vice president seemed to like them, so take them with you. Progressive presidents fought and won two world wars in the last century to defeat them, so we dont like them anyway. *If you want your Judeo-Christian values, we guess you can have them. You can have all the religion you like; were happy thinking ethics and morals matter more than religion. But we would like to retain the parts of the Bible we really like, such as the Sermon on the Mount and Book of Ecclesiastes. Well split Proverbs with you and you are welcome to the Old Testament as far as it concerns slavery, repression of women, genocide, public execution of minor children and all those begots. *You can have Creationism, Progressive Creationism (not one of our policies, despite the name) and the so-called Intelligent Design concept. Well stick with the Scientific Method, facts over fantasy, evolution and The Cold Hard Truth. *Well take Plato, Socrates, John Maynard Keynes, Darwin, Jeremy Bentham, Dr. Einstein, and Gandhi plus the Celtics, the Yankees and the Steelers. *Well also want to take wind power, solar power, tidal power, nuclear power and if youll throw in coal, well see if we can clean that up and use it. You are entirely welcome to all the oil you can get from your Arab and Russian and Venezuelan friends. *And well take all the stuff the Progressives came up with in the last 100 years. On second thought, thats probably outside the limits of what we can claim, so you can still use the Anti-Trust Acts, the Pure Food and Drug Act, most of the National Parks, the Federal Reserve systems, the Child Labor Laws, Dollar Democracy, and Mothers Day. *You probably won’t mind if we want to keep some the things you guys may not need in your wish to be free of any incursion of Big Government into your straight-laced lives, especially since Progressives came up with them. If you would kindly surrender all claims to the benefits you have derived from the FDIC, the SEC, the TVA, the NLRB, the Minimum Wage Acts, NASA, the Equal Pay Acts for Women, the FHA, the Veterans Administration and the War on Poverty, wed really appreciate it. Well be willing to discuss reparations and interest due at a later date. *Also, Progressives will retain all rights, titles and benefits of the Civil Rights Acts of 1964 AND 1968, the Voting Rights Act of 1965, the Truth in Lending Act, the Job Corps, the Peace Corps, VISTA, Head Start, Medicare, Medicaid, the Food Stamp Program, the Community Action Program, the Childrens Health Insurance Program, the Family Medical Leave Act, PBS, NPR, the repeal of Prohibition, the American Recovery and Reinvestment Act and the Health Care Reform Act, known forevermore as Obamacare. *Pack up Rush Limbaugh, Glen Beck, Pat Buchanan, Ann Coulter, Chuck Norris, Sarah Palin and goofy Ted Cruz, and take them, too. Since you’ll want the NRA, you might as well take the John Birch Society, the Focus on the Family gang, the clinic bombers, the book burners, the haters and the Klan. Well hold the door open for you. *We will, of course, keep Roosevelt (both Teddy and Franklin), Wilson, Kennedy, Johnson, Clinton, Carl Sagan, the ACLU, the Southern Poverty Law Center, John Lennon, Elizabeth Warren and all the people who think more about the future than they do about the past. Oh, and well keep that Obama guy, too. Please let us know if this is acceptable and I’ll get the paperwork started. Best regards, John Arnett
Posted on: Sat, 25 Oct 2014 01:17:28 +0000
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