Recently, in one of my “longer than most people will read” posts, (and this is another of the same) I indicated that I liked Facebook because I have been able to stay in touch with many of you whom I consider friends. Facebook says there are 171 of you. I suspect that number will need to be adjusted. Recently, I heard the renowned theoretical physicist Dr. Michio Kaku explain the “caveman theory”; its premise being that when given the choice, human beings will choose social interaction over isolation. Reflecting on the times I’ve seen groups sitting in restaurant booths ignoring each other as they are consumed by whatever it is they are doing with their phones, my first reaction was “I don’t think so”. This behavior, to me, seems antisocial, not to mention, rude. However, one could argue that it is a kind of social interaction, just a very uncommitted and cheap kind. I’m sure that sounds judgmental, and since I’m making a judgment call, technically it is, but it’s not intended as a condemnation, just an observation. Allow me to explain. Let’s say you’re walking around with $5,000.00 in your pocket and at the end of the day you count your money and realize that you somehow lost $1.00. No big deal, in fact, I’m surprised that either of us even noticed it missing. On the other hand, let’s suppose that same night you discover that you lost the entire amount. I think that it would be safe to assume that your reaction would be quite different. It’s not just the dollars themselves, it’s what they represent. It required more hours (providing you work for your money, if not, easy come easy go, which makes my point) to acquire the larger amount and therefore will require that same amount of effort to replace the loss, i.e. a larger investment. I submit that the same principal applies to relationships. When hearing about some poor little kid starving to death in Somalia, any normal person would react with sadness, but not to the degree as if it was someone we know personally, and certainly nowhere near what it would be if it was our kid. Where there is little invested in a thing, there is little appreciation of it and therefore little sense of loss when it’s gone. Assuming, oversimplification notwithstanding, the argument has merit, what has any of this got to do with friends, Facebook and restaurant rudeness? As I mentioned, despite being a technophobe, I appreciate the fact that these modern gizmos allow us to have at least a superficial contact with people that would be impossible without them. But if this is the extent to which we interact with people we’re missing out in a very significant way. The pursuit of easy things makes us weak. The pursuit of shortcuts in relationships cheapens them. I fear that even those of us who have enjoyed the Lucy and Ethel, Fred and Barney, Beaver and Larry kinds of friendships (yes, I’m aware that these are fictitious characters) are losing that intimacy because it’s easier to just hit “like” instead of taking the time to make a thoughtful, meaningful comment. Our friendship/relationship muscles are atrophying. Younger people probably don’t even know what those muscles look like and are not very likely to invest the effort into developing them. There are old friends with whom I was once very close and had regular pre-electronic contact. These folks got me through difficult times and I have no doubt that if there was a tragedy in my life would, just like in the past, do anything they could to help. (Of course, perfect strangers often do that for each other in times of crisis) But now, we have almost no personal contact. For my part, it has been a great loss. So am I the only one who appreciates Christmas cards with a handwritten (indicating personal and invested) note, receiving a phone call whose purpose is simply to say hi and see how I’m doing, or a friend just showing up at my front door unannounced? Does anybody just hang out anymore in the absence of a bombardment of entertainment? These things were once commonplace in my life and now, with a few exceptions, are virtually nonexistent. I’m not suggesting that social media is the sole reason for this decline, but I don’t think it has helped the situation. Other than my selfish desire to maintain close relationships, what does all of this have to do with anything? This may be a leap, but I submit that a society full of superficially connected people is not only a very lonely place but also a very scary one.
Posted on: Sat, 01 Mar 2014 16:38:53 +0000