Relationships 101.. ~....Why dont we tell our partners/spouses the truth? Why would we want to be considered liars rather than honest with them? Are we deliberately setting ourselves up to look dishonest? First of all, who are you trying to convey something to? Are you afraid of the other persons reaction or does it go deeper than that? What is their reaction to perceived criticism? Sometimes it isnt what we have to say but it can be a fear of the other persons reaction.Are they volatile people who blow up at the least bit of confrontation? .... Anytime that we withhold the truth, there is no way that we are going to talk our way out of it when we are exposed. We lied by the act of omission or outright did not tell the truth. Therefore we cannot defend this action by turning it around on the other person and YOU know that they will turn it back on you. This is a set up for a big blowout and watch out for what is said for it will be shocking and nasty. When people are cornered, they will do almost anything in order to get out of the hot spot. The approach that we take will determine how damaging the results will be. Put someone in the corner because you do not know how to reach them, will cause your relationship to crumble in the moment. Too many of these situations will not end up as a moment but as a way of life in the relationship. What a sad way of living where we both cannot talk to each other without causing the other to fight back at us. Do not think, Well it is his/her fault because they are unapproachable! It is a joint venture where every action has a reaction. ....Fixing this after years of repeating the same behavior is not easy, but who ever told us that relationships and communication was! We all probably fantasized a perfect relationship and now we are stuck in something painful and potentially abusive. Remember we chose this relationship and it is both our responsibilities to fix it. There is no perfection and it never is one persons fault. Do not set the other person up by saying There is something I need to talk about but I am afraid that you will yell at me! This is the cowards way because if you know that the other person is a yeller then you are setting them up when you say: See I knew you would yell, what is the use? Blame is not the name of the game in this situation for you might as well point the finger at yourself also. Your ability to communicate is just as negative. Do not think that you know how to reach this person for you have chosen the wrong path over and over again. Tell them that your way of approaching them does not work and you are not going to hit them with your issue the way you have been doing it. Ask them what would be better for them. Remember the idea is to reach someone not to be right!
Posted on: Wed, 22 Jan 2014 21:40:20 +0000