“Rent It Or Relent It” AKA “Watch That Shit” Vol. 1, Installment 3 The Film: Nicolas W. Refn’s “Drive” starring Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan (for some reason), Bryan Cranston, Christina Hendricks (for some other reason). Ron Perlman and Albert Brooks. The Plot: A Hollywood stuntman who moonlights as a getaway driver is lured from his isolated life by a lovely neighbor and her young son. His newfound peace is shattered, however, when her violent husband is released from prison. The Rant: In keeping up the general gist of this pseudo-blog, I’m rambling through various recent (to varying degrees) movies of dubious reputation or had been lacking in box office mojo. Here’s the thing though: I already knew “Drive” was a noteworthy picture a few years ago, and had tallied up some serious cheddar at the multiplex to boot. Of course, despite what Hollywood thinks, just cuz a movie makes money doesn’t mean it was any good. How else does that explain Rob Schneider having a career? It’s was the critics’ responses that tweaked me, or at least what they didn’t say. The people were up and down. The critics were all over the map. For example, good ol’ reliable Rotten Tomatoes gave "Drive" 93% while the audience gave it an average 78%. IMBD users, 7.9/10. Metascore, 78/100. Seems few can agree to disagree here. Help is on the way. That’s what I’m here for: to help people. Or at least not to have you waste your hard-earned (or stolen) cash on the next stream. That and to spout my half-baked opinions about movies, shaking a fist into the air, railing like an angry shepherd under the black, starry sky, cursing Hollywood for inflicting the likes of “Grown-Ups 2” and another useless remake/reboot because the folks in Tinsel Town are under the impression that we’re either all stupid, drooling inbreds or have memories the likes of retarded goldfish, slothfully dragging our popcorn-addled carcasses to the omegaplex devoid of any independent thought. Entertain us, o heathen warlords of the silver screen after our almighty, slippery ducat. Aye, there be yer zombie apocalypse. Where was I? Right. Help. Here we go. First and foremost, “Drive” is an homage to 80’s style thrillers, right down to the synth heavy score. “To Live And Die in L.A.” immediately comes to mind. From the metallic blue of the L.A. skyline to it’s sepia toned daytime desert climes. The pacing is as tight as the car chases. And the acting as wooden as the Sequoia National Forest. The pseudo-noir flick makes for neat cat and mouse antics through the City of Angels, but that novelty runs out of gas (ha!) pretty damned quick. Gosling’s performance as the Driver. Ugh. Where to begin? Is his portrayal supposed to be so stiff? I know he’s supposed to be this icy, introverted tough guy, but comes across as flat as the L.A. freeway and he never seems to blink. And when he does show emotion—a smile here, a tear there—it comes across as just plain creepy. And Carey Mulligan is just vapid wallpaper. Why was Hendricks in this movie, other than to get offed? Her role was very pointless and was no more than a glorified cameo. Cranston is criminally underused here and just comes off as some kind of caricature. The old mentor schtick doesn’t usually improve with age, and his staggering about the set came across as comical without being funny. On the bright side, Brooks and Perlman are just as amusing as ever, especially Brooks in a wiseguy role. Brooks is so unconvincing as a killer mobster (even when does kill and do mobster things), that it’s unintentionally funny. I have a soft spot for Ron Perlman, so it’s tough to say rotten things about his acting, even though he was kinda goofy. Sorry. You can’t talk about this movie without commenting on its violence. There’s a lot of it, and, yeah, it’s gratuitous. It’s also boring. You get numb to the Driver’s antics real quick. He’s not a fun date. And the motel scene; when did he become Rambo? What was that pledge earlier in the film that “I don’t use a gun”? Oops. He uses sharp implements and shoes a lot too. Cold-blooded and unconvincing. Harsh, you say? Tough, My review. Nyah, nyah, nyah. I still haven’t figured out the disparity between the critics and the audience. I’m part of the audience here, not a professional critic. Let’s just put it this way: I didn’t fall for “Drive’s” alleged art house pretensions. It was just a poorly acted, violent, rip-off of other motor n’ mobster movies that came before it, mostly in the cocaine-fueled 80’s. Kinda like the soundtrack. The Verdict: Rent it or relent it? Relent it. All the hype surrounding this flick was for naught. It suffers a weak case of the Tarantinos and the acting is lifeless at best, downright insulting at worse. And way too needlessly violent for my tastes. I kept looking at the time, waiting for it to end. Again, sorry. Stray Observations: - Saw that slap coming. - Was it me, when Perlman gets his comeuppance, does the Driver look and acts like Michael Myers from the “Halloween” movies? - I got the scorpion symbolism, all right? I know the story of the scorpion and the frog, okay? So dippy. Next Installment: We go for a stroll with Owen Wilson at "Midnight In Paris".
Posted on: Wed, 11 Sep 2013 04:10:15 +0000