Researching my past. My being diagnosed crazy and lazy. The trouble and pain that caused. People who otherwise love you and mean well cut the deepest when they dont understand or even care enough to understand. It started easing up in my 40s. But I still live with it. In my young years I could neither wake up or get into a sleep. It left me in perpetual confusion and in a fog. It drove my mother nuts because I was awake muchnof the night and woke my new baby brother up with my restlessness. We were in totally different and seperated rooms, I doubt some on her take of the story. But then she gave me away. I was 6. I was returned a little over a year later. My aunt had gotten pregnant. She was in her 40s and had been unable to get pregnant. But she and my uncle knew how to love and make a child feel welcome and warm. Things got worse. Guilt set in that it was my fault. I would get bursts of energy about once a month for a day and then back to the fog. More guilt. Maybe it was my fault. Because I could do it for one day. In my 40s I was still having trouble but also more bursts of energy. Sometimes the bursts would last for days and sometimes even for weeks. Now it is down to bursts in the mornings and the rest of the time im resting. With minor moments of doing something in passing. I am now fully awake and fully sleeping. Learning that heat sets me back to sick and fog has been a blessing. The internet helped me when I found I was not alone. There were others who lived this as well. It was a long time and I still battle the guilt but now it is the guilt from within. My friends do not seem to care if I get things done or not. That is helpful more than they know. I now have FRIENDS I AM NOW ALMOST FULLY ALIVE Having learned to work with it Understand it And forgive me for being me Having learned if someone doesnt care for my choices and my ways enough just to accept then we are not friends.
Posted on: Thu, 13 Nov 2014 14:21:16 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015