Ricky has been driving without a license since he was twelve years old. He has run over a variety of ethnicities in toes. Ricky has been planning his dream wedding since he was twelve years old. Ricky once sat in his wheelchair for seventeen hours straight. He ended up with an incredibly sore and numb ass the next day. Ricky has a colourful ass. When a Band-Aid was removed from a particularly inconvenient pimple on his right cheek, a rainbow of Caucasian hair was discovered. Ricky is easily caught with his pants down, especially at eleven o’clock in the morning. Ricky is a drama queen! Ricky will probably not be the one to wear pants in a relationship. Ricky does wear pants, except, doesn’t know what kind he’s wearing half the time. Ricky isn’t a follower of fashion trends. He buys new shoes every decade and has been wearing the same style since his early teenage years; sports jacket over a T-shirt. Ricky looks like some sort of rodent when he squishes his nose. Ricky has double jointed pinkies. Ricky is afraid of looking into mirrors in the dark. He fears something evil might come out and get him. Ricky is a first-hand eyewitness to the UFO phenomenon. No one believes him. Ricky drives a $20,000 wheelchair, while his joystick alone costs $1,500. Chicks dig expensive vehicles. Ricky is horny. His wheelchair used to have a horn, except, it was at the back and couldn’t be reached. His horniness is complicated, scaring all the chicks away. Ricky uses TAG Body Spray and believes it’s the reason pretty girls smile at him. Ricky likes to make all the girls cry. It’s a part of his evil plan. Ricky is a fan of the Powerpuff Girls. He believes that girls are made from sugar and spice and everything nice. Ricky has a fat girl fantasy. He believes real women have curves. Ricky has a thing for girls who cover their mouths to giggle. Ricky has a thing for girls with Southern accents. He hopes she offers him some of her freshly made cupcakes: Her: “Would y’all like some of my homemade cupcakes? I made ‘em ‘specially for yous, Ricky!” Him: “Well yee’haw, Ms. Honey Pie! I reckon that I’d love your cupcakes, and sure do appreciate the gesture. I wouldn’t mind if yous unwrapped a couple for me!” Ricky admits to having a thing for girls in general. Ricky blames his romantic failures on his giant mechanical ass. Ricky isn’t much a fan of sweets. He feels sick when eating dessert on an empty stomach. Ricky will probably die of kidney failure due to excessive sodium intake. Ricky consistently pees two litres of pee each day. He likes to say “pee” a lot. Pee… PEE!!! Ricky is unable to stomach a number of raw vegetables, particularly tomatoes, celery, and carrots. Ricky has only thrown up a few times in his life, like when he tried a cherry tomato in grade one out of peer pressure. He hurled in the hallway. Diced carrots always seem to show up in his puke. Ricky scored 100% in one of the four units for grade eleven English. He only read the back of the novel, an excerpt from the Internet, and the first chapter. Ricky drove under the influence after drinking red wine for the first time. He crashed into the bathroom wall at home. Ricky became a criminal on May 16, 2009 when he smuggled a tube of Pringles into a theatre. He hid it behind his back underneath the hoodie of his sports jacket. His cousin was an accomplice. Ricky is also a murderer. He ran over a caterpillar with one of his front wheels, at church. Ricky knows how to make bubbles on his tongue. It was taught to him by a school bully who used to throw basketballs at him during recess, and turned out to be a drug dealer and died after getting shot. He laughed his giant mechanical ass off when he saw his face on the news. Ricky used to be the king of Street Fighter when he was still able to play video games with his hands. He could do 60,000,000 Hadoukens in a row, at will. Ricky can only play computer games with a mouse. His favourite remains to be ‘The Longest Journey’. Ricky as a gamer is a whore. He fornicates, ahem, WooHoos with dozens of women on The Sims. Ricky as a blogger is an attention whore. He likes to get people riled up with controversy, gross them out with toilet humour, and make everyone throw up to his vomit-inducing ideas of romance. Ricky types on his computer with an onscreen keyboard called WiViK. He uses it injunction with voice recognition (Dragon NaturallySpeaking). Ricky was one of the first testers of eye control when he was a teenager. It was torture, but the technician was hot so it was worth the agonizing pain. Ricky is unable to speak in bed due to his ventilator settings at night and in the morning. Ricky uses a call bell with a straw attached. He sucks and blows on it. Ricky gains a cup size every time he has Kentucky Fried Chicken. Ricky wore something akin to a bra once to keep his trach tube in place as per doctor’s orders. Ricky uses a vibrator… for physiotherapy. Ricky doesn’t like to admit that he sucks and blows, has a cup size, wears a bra, and uses a vibrator because… Ricky is a whore, in general. Oops?
Posted on: Tue, 08 Apr 2014 04:38:01 +0000