Right or Wrong Many of us tend to think of right and wrong as being absolute, “all or nothing”. Moreover, we tend to generalize things a great deal, both in speaking and in interpreting what others say. The reality is that right and wrong are not always so black and white. Two people can be right about the same thing even though they have different points of view. In fact, 100 people could be right about the same thing and all have varying perspectives. These perspectives may coincide on some levels and on others they may not. By admitting someone else is “right” I do not automatically make myself wrong. There is almost always middle ground/common ground if we put the effort into finding it. And, more importantly, escape from our Ego and release our attachment to the idea of “I want everything my way.” Ah, yes, this is the hard part. It is a difficult thing for us to release from our social conditioning, to expand our religious beliefs, etc. This often requires the death of, at least parts and sometimes all, of our identity. We fear this! Why? Because we are afraid of the unknown, we are afraid of not knowing who we are, we are afraid of offending family and friends, we are afraid of all sorts of things that can’t all be addressed here... However, it is the very act of stepping through this fear, the very act of releasing ourselves from the conditioning that allows us to experience real freedom. Freedom of loving others without conditions. Freedom to accept others as they are. Freedom to hold two seemingly dichotomous points of view within our reality and still feel whole and in integrity with ourselves and the world around us. There are many types of conditioning and many benefits to releasing that conditioning but I will refrain from going into all of those now. I do want to note that I am not suggesting we simply forget everything we know or have no values/beliefs or ethical limits. The key is to be able to hold my own set of values/beliefs while still allowing space for others to hold their values/beliefs even if they are different from mine. One thing I’ve found useful in my own development around the idea of right and wrong is to look for the flowers, sometimes just a seed, of truth. If I can recognize a flower or seed of truth in what someone else holds to be right then I’ve found common ground. I’ve found something I can use to build a connection. This ability to build a connection is how we learn to live in, what I like to call, The Harmony of Diversity. Take the earth and surrounding environment for instance (humans and man-made things aside). There is immense diversity in the types of trees, flowers and soil. Great differences exist between species and even among the same species of animals and insects. The landscapes in the Western U.S. are much different from those in the Eastern U.S. and differ even more as you venture to some other places in the world. Everything in the atmosphere and in space is in continual movement while things attached to the earth tend to seek relative stability (such as the roots of a tree and the mountains). Nevertheless, all of these things work in The Harmony of Diversity to maintain order. Now, apply this logic, in a slightly different way, to all of the recent concern for unarmed black men that have been shot by the police. My experience in listening to conversations about this (including my own at times) has been that people either take the side of the Victims or they take the side of the Police. I do not often hear people speak about the truth of each side. It is true that some police abuse their power. And, it is true that some police are racist. And, it is true that police could have supplemental training that may make them better police officers. Yet, it is equally true that police provide a great service to our communities. And, many police often go above and beyond to help people. And, not all police are racist. I could go on with examples of how “right”’ exist on both sides of this equation. Furthermore, I could use this same type of analogy to find common ground in nearly all (if not all) social situations. Here is the challenge to me and to anyone reading this: the next time you are confronted with a situation where your values/beliefs do not match up with the person next to you or when you are facing a difficult situation with people who view circumstances differently than you; look beyond yourself to find the flower or seed of truth that may be a building block to healthier and more effective communication. Look for the opportunity to find common ground and, from there, work to create something that feels balanced to all those involved. In strategic planning terms the model one could use is the 80-20 rule. The idea is that I realize I’m not ever going to get to create the utopia I have in my head. Things are never going to be entirely how I want them. So, a good meeting point is trying to find a place where everyone is at least 80% okay with the outcome/decision/action plan… whatever you choose to call it depending on the situation. Of course, one may not always be able to be at exactly 80% but something close that allows all parties to move forward is what is desired. And, remember balance does not necessarily mean that everything on both sides is equal. For example when I balance on one leg my weight is not equally distributed throughout my body, yet, I am balanced. I would like to talk more about this issue of balance but I simply do not have the energy at this point. In closing, I’d like to encourage us all to put forth the priceless effort to live in The Harmony of Diversity!!!
Posted on: Sun, 14 Sep 2014 01:55:04 +0000
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