Roadblocks Through my spiritual awakening I began to notice all of the ways that I’d been blocking myself. I used to experience a lot of real external roadblocks, which I came to realize that I’d called up to help me. At the end of the first week I noticed and questioned this: “Are roadblocks things I’m meant to heed or things I’m meant to overcome? Is the Universe telling me to pay attention or to persevere?” For example, in the past if I didn’t want to go somewhere then I’d call in road construction, or put another way - my guiding self would route me towards construction. I wouldn’t know that it was occurring, but I’d end up sitting in traffic either way. I’d want to stay home and avoid something, and I’d suddenly catch a viral infection. I wouldn’t want to access information, so machines and electronics around me would malfunction… I’d subconsciously draw computer viruses and software incompatibility issues, service or infrastructure problems towards me. My DSL was always going out, modems being replaced and not working, all sorts of things like that. I called in such roadblocks to protect me from unpleasant things like medical appointments also. For example I’d had an ultrasound done in early June and never heard back from the doctor’s office. At the beginning of August I’d finally called. They claimed that the nurse had called several times on different days and times and reported that my (correct) phone number was out of order. I said that was ridiculous because it works and I get many calls every day, and voice mails for the ones I miss. I was told that I needed a follow-up procedure but they said they couldn’t schedule anything since I didn’t know what I needed to schedule. Only the nurse could tell me over the phone (they don’t give out that information by e-mail) what I needed. I just had to reach her, which was easier said than done. I began calling every day at different times and she was never available when I called, and she never called me back. I said they were welcome to schedule me for this mystery procedure anyhow, but that violated their policy. I could only schedule the procedure willingly, once I knew my own status. I left my cell phone number and never got a call on it either. Every time I called they would give me a list of days and times she had tried the two numbers. My cell phone had no record of the calls. My cell phone bill didn’t either. After a couple of weeks of that run-around I got angry and told the receptionist that I would cancel everything that day and stay home to answer the phones, but no call came. Then I finally e-mailed their new patient link to demand that they either e-mail me the name(s) of the procedures or make a copy of my ultrasound so I could take it to another practice. That worked. They e-mailed back that the next time I called the office they would pull one of the three nurses out of whatever they were doing so I could talk to them and get the information. I need a follow-up ultrasound then a combination of two medical procedures. The new roadblock was that the doctor was booked up of course. The nurse said that since I’d waited three months now, they could double book one day that week to squeeze me in, and gave me to the receptionist to schedule it. She said she would talk to the doctor about the time, and what was the best number to reach me at? I said, “I don’t know how to answer that. You seem to have the only phone in the universe that can’t communicate with my home or cell phone. I’ve had calls already today from my pharmacy, mom, husband’s work and son’s school so I know my phone works but you’ve never been able to reach me on it.” She agreed to e-mail me back although it went entirely against office policy. I didn’t hear back, and by then I was processing my experiences in a new light. I reviewed the history and the chill of truth went through me. I wrote in my journal, “I realized that the Universe isn’t placing roadblocks in my way. I AM DOING IT! I swear I am somehow psychically keeping their phone from calling either of mine, because I know that is what I really want…to avoid dealing with my medical horrors. As soon as I thought it, I knew it was true…I’m blocking the phone calls! I AM DOING IT! I’M THE ROADBLOCK! I really do believe that is true.” I did have that procedure later that week because once I realized the problem, I persisted. Another friend went with me to the appointment. While I was sitting in the waiting room I had a very curious idea. It occurred to me to ask to use their phone and to try calling my numbers. I dialed my cell phone first and heard no ringing. It went straight back to dial tone. I stared at the number I’d dialed and it was correct. I repeated this for my home phone. Then I called my husband’s cell phone and left him a quick message, to see if their phone worked at all. It did. I returned to my seat and asked the friend with me to please call my cell phone number, and it worked perfectly. Then I used my own phone to call home and the kids answered. At the time that really delighted me – proof that the psychic blocks were real. I haven’t thought back upon those events since that time. Typing this today, I realize now that I was guided to do that phone testing. It was one of the ways that I was shown that I really was being guided. I still didn’t ‘get it’. Of course the message had really been to avoid that procedure altogether. It was symptomatic care and an unnecessary ordeal since my deep healing would begin soon, but I didn’t know that then. I was a child of western medicine up to that point and I saw the roadblock as me being ‘naughty’ and avoiding something that I SHOULD do, rather than me receiving insight into what I should NOT do. I was looking, but through a narrow focus, not considering a bigger picture, though at least I had my eye to the lens now! After that I became hyperaware of the ways that I blocked myself or removed blockages. Sometimes I still couldn’t even tell if I was listening or blocking. Here was an example from mid-September: “…I just did the most ornery thing to myself. I’ve been placing all of the meet-up recommendations and things posted in Solstice or Red Tent or Goddess that I might ever have any interest in someday checking out into my e-mail ‘events’ folder. I decided to look in it to see what other notices were sent to me the past 90 or so days…and before I could stop myself I deleted the whole folder, clicked on deleted items, and emptied that folder. I’ve done that to myself before…is it my knowing or my fear talking? I have no idea!” I joked in my journal about doing that, but honestly I felt guilty, like Id done something wrong. I was prone to picking on myself then. I assumed that fear really was my motive, but at least I was beginning to consider the alternative – that I really did know what was best for me somehow, and that my actions were perfect. Of course now I see that my higher self was blocking me from looking into trainings or events so that I could remove that impediment to learning from ‘spirit’. One of my very first messages after my kundalini, a month later, was to avoid all reading, teaching and other information and ‘learn from the source’ (my own self and guides). Something can both block the way and clear barriers out of the way at the same time, depending upon what perspective you view it from. Its tempting to look for simple explanations and jump to conclusions, but Im learning to allow and stay open to any possibility and see what unfolds. Sometimes I block myself from pursuing something in one way so that I can allow myself to access it in another. Everything is multi-layered, but that understanding didn’t come until much later…and I let the roadblocks help guide me now. (Hallow ~ January 27th 2014 reflecting on September 2012) Find more stories at https://facebook/ChaosKrakens Graphic art – Roadblocks - unknown artist
Posted on: Thu, 30 Jan 2014 03:35:43 +0000
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