S3...Chapter thirty six Iinyembezi bezizityibileka ebusweni bam... Me:Ndicela nindishiye. Phakamani:Nwabisa mntase-. Me:Ndishiyeni! The things that they had said had cut me deep. Indlela bebethetha ngayo ibingathi ndilihule. Mama:Oh hay Lhoza. Wasondela kum ndashukumisa intloko yam. Me:Suza kum...nithetha ingathi ndilihule nina. uBhut uthetha ingathi ndilala noIbenathi...uthetha ingathi ndimlibele uMpendulo kodwa ndicinga ngaye yonke imihla...ndikhala yonke leimihla...wishing that this was all a nightmare...that he was still alive bit hes gone. uMpendulo undishiye nabantwana abane...abane...nicinga kumnandi kum? Nicinga kulula kum? Indlela endimkhumbula ngayo...intliziyo yam ibuhlungu...ibewesi xa abantwana bebuza ngoTatabo. You guys will never understand my pain...all you do is judge me...anindibuzi nondibuza...so ndicela nindishiye. Phakamani:Im so-. Me:Hambani! Bajongana bengayazi ukuba bathini...wangena uIbenathi netriplets...itriplets bebesitya ichips...uIbenathi wandibona...wasineka...Ndicela nihambeni. Mama:Sicela uxolo mntanam. Me:Ndinivile Mama...hambani ndidinga ispace. Mama:Okay well come and fetch you tomorrow. Me:I already have transport. Bathula. Kwakhanya:Mama jonga ichips zam. Wandibonisa...Thengele Bhut...mmm mnandi Mama. Waphuma uIbenathi... Me:Okay nana wam. Junior:Yakhala? Utheni Mama? Me:Ayonto sthandwa sam...uMama uphandliwe. Junior:Mehlweni? Me:Ewe. Junior:Xolo va? Ndanqwala. Me:Enkosi boy. I sniffed...Ndizonibona ngomso bantwana bam va...nizohamba noMakhulu niyeva? Bavuma...Bhabhayini ke. Babhabhayisa nabo. Mandisa:Bye friend...Im sorry. She kissed my cheek...ndanqwala...I love you va? Ndanqwala...bahamba...ndashiyeka ndikhala...uIsiqhamo ebensijongile...shame umntanam inoba uyazibuza ukuba utheni uMamakhe...ndamphuza esibunzini. Emvakwe xesha kwangena uIbenathi...bendingesakhali kangako ngoku...wazothatha uIsi obelele wambeka kwibhedi yakhe....wahlala ecankwam...wanditsalela kuye ndabeka intloko yam esifubeni sakhe...ndakhala kakhulu. Every wall I had built kule 9 months came crashing down...I was exposed to so much pain...uIbenathi uye wandiyeka ndakhala ndade ndagqiba...bendinesingqala...ndinendawu ezingcangcazelayo... Me:Ba...ba...bathi andimhloni-phanga uMpe. Wathula...Bathi mna nawe... Ndathula. Ibenathi:They say you must stay away from me? Ndanqwala...wathula... Me:uBhut made it sound like we are sleeping with each other. He exhaled... Ibenathi:Thats why I wanted to leave. I dont want to cause trouble for you Nwabisa...andifuni uxabane nefamily yakho ngenxayi yam. Me:Uzama ukuthini? Ndamjonga...wandijonga naye... Ibenathi:Lets take a break from each other. Ndothuka...khange ndiyilindele lonto kuye...yangathi intliziyo yam iyacinezelwa wesi... Me:Ufuna ukundishiya? Ibenathi:Nwabisa you know I dont. But now you fighting with your family because of me. Ill give you space to grieve for Mpe properly. Lets be honest...you wont be able to with me around...andiyithandi kemnake idrama Nwabisa...andifuni abantu abathi Im taking advantage of you whilst you are still vulnerable...andifuni abantu bathi andimhloniphanga uMpe abe esisihlobo sam esikhulu. Ndathula...ibingathi ndingazingcwaba okanye ndife... Me:Abantwana bona? I thought you said you wanted to be part of their lives. Ibenathi:I still do...Ill call them now and again. Me:And me? He exhaled... Ibenathi:We cant communicate like we used to. But listen to me Nwabisa...I love you...I loved you the first time I saw you pha ekhaya...I didnt plan it...it just happened...so I believe this break is just temporary...after you have grieved properly our roads might meet again. Ndathula...Ungandiqumbeli please. Me:If thats what you want... Ndanyusa amagxa am...then I cant do nothing about it. Ibenathi:Hayi maarn Nwabisa. You know this is the best thing for the both of us. Ebenyanisile...deep down it was for the best...andazi noba ndandifuna ntoni okanye athini kodwa le yokuba asizu communicator ngalandlela besiqhele uku communicator ngayo hurt me alot shame. Maybe it was about time to stand up for myself and deal with my pain alone...and not be dependent on someone else to heal me...Please say you understand what Im saying. Me:I understand. Sajongana. Ibenathi:I love you. Me:I love you too. Wancuma...wandiphuza emlonyeni...khange ndothuke...his lips were soft...sancamisana kancinci...sayeka...sajongana...sancumelana...Uhamba nini? Ibenathi:Ngomso. Ndothuka. Me:So soon! I gasped. Ibenathi:The sooner the better because if I stay longer I wont be able to leave you. Me:Okay ke. Ndatshelo phantsi. Ibenathi:Oh uMama ka tomboy ke. I couldnt help but laugh a little...thats what I liked about him...he made everything seem lighter...like I could defeat anything that came my way. He was Mpe in that sense...maybe I loved him because he reminded me of Mpe? These are one of the things I needed to figure out on my own...and I had many other things to worry about...like telling my children about their deceased father...uyiqala njani incoko enjalo nabantwana? Ndingathini ukuba angandibuza umbuzo endingazukwazi ukuyiphendula...then? I had to prepare myself for anything... Sahlala ke noIbenathi sithetha ndade ndalala ezingalweni zakhe. Ngengomso ndavuka engekho ecankwam...ugqirha wathi yonke into ibukeka iryt ngomntwana so ndingagoduka...ndahlamba ke...ndatshintsha inapkeni...ndancancisa uIsiqhamo...yhuu ebelithanda ibele lomntwana...uzondisokolisa nyani...kaloku itriplets zalincanca kanye ibele emvakoko basela iexpressed milk...mhlawmbi kofuneka ndenze njalo nakulona. Bendisapenika ukuba sizogoduswa ngubani noIsi kwathi gqi uIbenathi...ebenxibe ezinye impahla...kanene ebehamba namhlanje...he signed us out...he was holding Isi...mna ndibambe ibhegi ka Isi...bendinendawu eziqwalelayo...I was still sore yho...ndakhwela ebackseat noIsi sahamba... Safika endlini...uIbenathi wayondibekela ibhegi kaIsi erumini...ndayohlala phantsi nomntwanam eliving room...wabuya uIbenathi wahlala ecankwam. Ibenathi:Its time for me to go. Me:Awuzulinda itriplets ubabhabhayise? Ibenathi:Nope...its better this way Nwabisa. I exhaled. Me:Ill miss you. Wancuma... Ibenathi:Mna shame andizukukhumbula...ndizokhumbula inkumkanikazi yam encinci. Watsho ethatha uIsi ezandleni zam...he looked at her for a long time...wamphuza...Waske wanzima lo goodbye. Isiqhamo mntanam inoba ndizophinda ndikubone ngoku uyintombi endala entle...andiqondi noba uzondikhumbula na...but when you old enough to talk on the phone ndizakufownela va? Awumhle maarn...ndakuthanda Isiqhamo... Waphuza izandla zakhe...bendibambe iinyembezi...what if I never see him again? Or he gets involved in a car accident...ndaske ndaphefumlela phezulu...I think I was having a panic attack...yakhawuleza yayeka...uIbenathi ebenwari...Ndizokushiya njani unjena kemnake? Me:Ndizobaryt...sukhathazeka ngam. Enjoy Dubai. Ibenathi:Ill try... Me:Undibulisele eDurban...uzoqala pha mos? Ibenathi:Yep. Hayi ndizokubulisela. Sathula...wandinika uIsi...Mandihambe Nwai. Wandijonga...I avoided eye contact...wandiphuza esidleleni...wahamba. After he left I said a little prayer for God to give him travelling mercies and watch over him just in general...blessing him with happiness... And me? Happiness? Andazi..........
Posted on: Sat, 27 Sep 2014 06:58:16 +0000
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