SALT your world - STEP31: Speak the truth in love During the course of our lives, we will be confronted with situations which, unless dealt with, can cause a flood of destruction in our lives. For serious situations like abuse or addictions, it will be necessary to get professional help. However for situations of lesser intensity, we need to learn to assert ourselves in such a way that we dont cause more damage. The goal should always be reconciliation. Whether restoration of the relationship is possible, is a different discussion. Reconciliation should leave both parties with a clear understanding of the problem or challenge, with possible solutions. We should also have acquired insight and new skills on how to handle the same situation differently in the future. The key which should unlock the door to reconciliation is love. The word should indicates that it will fail at times. Most people were not taught conflict resolution skills and we are immature in our communication skills. Unless we make an effort to learn how to fight fair, we will end up with a long string of broken relationships. Negative conflict skills include: - sarcasm - attack - silent treatment - sulking - avoidance - walking away - shouting or screaming - belittling - insults - repetition of the issue Conflict resolution is about gaining knowledge and skills and then putting what we learn into practise. Years of negative habits will take time to unlearn. Patience and persistence will be required. - stay calm - state your desire NOT to argue - state the issue once - suggest a solution once - thank the person for listening If we start by focusing on what we should NOT do, we can already progress. An example: Thank you for listening. Our relationship is important to me. I value you / love you as a ... I dont want to fight or argue. When I am teased about my shortcomings in front of others, I feel devalued as your husband/wife/friend/sibling. I would feel a lot better if we could agree that we wont do that to one another. Thank you for hearing me. I love you / care for you. - wrap the discussion up in love, beginning and ending with a declaration of your value for the other person. This is your truth. It may not be the other persons truth and they may not understand your truth, and both parties must accept that. A note of caution: We will encounter people in our lives who will not appreciate our efforts. Controlling and manipulative people will react violently and with malice. We will need wisdom in discerning whether those relationships are worth keeping.
Posted on: Mon, 11 Nov 2013 07:33:04 +0000
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