SO, Im trying to come to a decision. I either need to: A) - TopicsExpress



          

SO, Im trying to come to a decision. I either need to: A) Stop slowly killing myself with my bad habits and wish to die and just end things. or B) Try to regain more of my health and continue living my life. I am honestly very on the fence with this. But so many people over the last 3 years have said they would always be here for me and only ever used me for their own means, many people who I finally brushed out of my life. However, brushing the people who where only there when they needed me has left me even lonelier. Ive tried to have relationships and really want to but Family comes first and commitment seems to scare women away anymore. I really have only been able to fully rely on less than a handful of people that would actually keep their promises and given me their shoulder to lean on. Please dont try to placate me with empty platitudes like You can always count on me Or I would miss you thats actually very selfish. You want me to continue being miserable cause you might miss me? There have been a couple of people who swore they would always be there but could never seem to really be there even when I asked crying for help. I sit here hour on hour alone sleeping a couple of hours at a time and just being alone. Its a sad existence and I am tired of just existing. I am honestly worth way more dead than alive to the people it would count too. I have arrangements so that some people are properly taken care of when I am gone. (Good and bad, always trying to tie up loose ends) I have found out what it feels like to have someone run from you when you want commitment. ( I am SO sorry to the ladies I did that to before. ) I stopped being interested in someone because they couldnt understand that no matter how old I would be my kids would always come first. Call me a coward, tell me I would be taking the easy way out. Whatever I dont care. I would be with Kimbra again and even though they would miss me my truly close loved ones would be taken care of. Personal thanks go to: Christyona and TJ Dennie and Codi Amanda For showing me Im only needed around when Im useful. True thanks to: Brandie Raya Doyle Naya Tara Wilcutt April Wallace Angela Tinker For actually meaning youd be there.
Posted on: Sat, 19 Jul 2014 09:54:48 +0000

Trending Topics



Recently Viewed Topics




© 2015