Secondary PTSD for family members and spouses of soldiers Secondary PTSD in family members and spouses of soldiers who have served in combat is not a diagnosis that will be found in the DSM-V or heard from many mental health workers. It is still considered a cop out by most. The reality is that spouses and family members of soldiers develop their own form of PTSD and mental health issues from the deployment experience and living with these soldiers after they return home. It is a form of classical and operant conditioning that is coupled with cognitive processes that are as natural as the fight or flight response a soldier experiences during deployment. The Secondary PTSD symptoms can range from mild to severe. They include sleep issues, depression, irritability, anger, feelings of helplessness, frustration, fear, panic/anxiety attacks, withdraw, over involvement. Just like soldiers the spouses and family members can have the feeling of being overwhelmed, a ticking time bomb, and anger at the service member. Often times this presents and appears to the general public and mental health as an emotionally abusive relationship, and at times looks like a physically abusive relationship. In reality the couple very much loves each other and is willing to stand together through this, but need help just as a soldier with PTSD needs help. Like PTSD secondary PTSD is a condition that is compounded over time and is not pin pointed to one event that triggers it. It is caused by multiple deployments and returns home, changes in the soldier’s behaviors, as well as the natural fears and worries that come during the deployment. Now before we throw the BS Card or say this in an excuse for weak spouses I want you to know that this has been documented throughout several wars, but has never been identified professionally. After I experienced my own run in with this cycle and whirlwind of emotions, and talked to a large number of veteran wives I found out that we have been diagnosing this wrong for over 70+ years. I am sure that is has been going on as long as there has been soldiers leaving for war, just as PTSD has been misdiagnosed or overlooked as long as there has been war and combat. It has only been recently that spouses from the Vietnam Era started to speak out about their experiences and feelings about their soldiers and lives after the soldiers came home, and these generations of military spouses have become more honest about the events going on at home that this has even been viewed as a problem. In the 5 years of research I have done on PTSD in soldiers there have only been 2 research reports I have found on the subject, and a handful of pages, blogs, and articles that wives have written on this issue. Some research is now taking place on it, but it is still not recognized for what it is by the military. It is still classified as domestic or marriage problems for the soldier. Why spouses don’t talk about it First off spouses are busy trying to keep the home front together while the soldier is deployed. If we talk about our anger, hurt, disappointment, or fears we are told you should be proud of your soldier and just take care of business here at home. Wives that seek help for issues such as depression, anger, and anxiety are viewed as a liability for the soldier so most do not seek help in fear that it will impact the soldier’s career or get them kicked out of the military. If a spouse talks about it to other spouses they are the problem child of the group, unstable, and someone that is going to be a problem during deployments. Often times viewed as weak, mental, or faking to keep the soldier home and off deployment. Often this is not the case, they want validation that they are not alone and that they are not crazy. The feelings and thoughts of just wanting the soldier to go and get this done are shameful in the military community. The mixed emotions of the soldier returning home from deployment of dread, fear, stress, and happiness are overwhelming and often times just as shameful as wanting to just go are. Just as I have talked about in other posts about the stages of deployment soldiers go through during multiple deployments the wives goes through stages of multiple deployments of their own. The first being bleeding red, white, blue and pride, the first deployment they go through they are gun ho like the soldier. Wrapping themselves in patriotic everything. Changing the decor of the house, wearing supportive clothing, and volunteering with military agencies or groups. They send care packages, write letters sleep with the phone, and are the media’s view of what a waiting spouse should be. Holding signs and waving flags from the day they leave to homecoming. What we don’t see is the sleepless nights, fear of the door bell ringing. Often times a knock at the door feelings of fear or panic hits them if they are not expecting someone. Then anger or rage hits as well as relief when it is just a sales man and not a uniformed officer delivering the death or injury notice. There is a tension and panic every time the phone rings and a letdown when it is not the soldier on the other end. Fear of the unknown when a soldier returns is also a part of this. Often times spouses will have an ideal of what homecoming will be like, the great meal, decorations, and wrapped in the soldiers arms for the next couple of days. Then reality of exhaustion, and their own experiences and adjustments set in with a major let down to the spouse. With each deployment cycle the fear, anxiety, build up, let down, and meetings of what to expect, how to act, and waiting for the event takes a toll on the emotional and physical state of the spouse as well as other family members who are waiting for that spouse to notify them and perform according to expectations that may or may not be spoken. When they are not met, or the spouse deviates from the social expectations of a military spouse conflict between the families, soldier and spouse occur which compound the problem and stress further. Holidays being some of the most stressful and vulnerable times for spouses and children. Women are particularly susceptible to the media ideals and social ideals of how a spouse should act and feel during a deployment, and these ideals are not in line with the reality of life and emotions that are occurring. The world and family are focused on the hero returning. They are vividly aware of the problems that the soldier may face once returning home, but little awareness, support, and concern is paid to the family and spouse that are the support system of the soldier. Little if any acknowledgment of the job the spouse has done during the deployment in raising children, supporting the soldier, holding a job, balancing budgets, passing along information to extended family members, and other daily tasks are recognized. The social thought is once the soldier is home that things will be better, and there is a promise of rest for the spouse, the reality is that it seldom happens. The spouse is now focused on the health of the soldier, reuniting the family, and if there is the aggressive form of PTSD in the soldier the spouse must now play go between and protector of the family to keep the dynamics of the situation in check to keep the soldier calm, and the situation from becoming explosive with their mood swings. This is a serious problem which is leading to the high rate of divorce in our military ranks. Often times the spouse believes it is their failure that has led to this problem and in turns creates severe self-image problems and self-doubt in the relationship as well as in future relationships that they may be in if they divorce the military member. Just being aware of the problem is part of the battle for both the spouse and the soldier. They also have to both be willing to work on the issues they have individually as well as a couple. Often times one or both are in denial of their own problems or blaming the other for the problems in the marriage. The truth is that it often times is not one thing that has gone wrong it is multiple issues that have compiled and compounded each other that create the problem. Currently the treatment plans of marriage retreats, marriage counseling, and other services offered by mental health are not adequate in dealing with these issues, and can lead to more problems depending on how it is handled by the counselor. As I continue to work with couples, soldiers, and spouses I have started to identify a system that seems to be working. There are multiple layers to the treatment and being able to overcome the issues created by multiple deployments in military marriages as well as dealing with secondary PTSD. Unfortunately with the deployment rotations, time restrictions and lack of funding these problems are not being addressed properly so that couples can recover and strengthen their relationship as well as themselves. This is going to be a growing problem as well as the divorce rate in the military and for those veterans that exit the military as time goes by. It would be in the best interest of the military and veterans groups to start addressing this problem as soon as possible, in an open and honest manner. It has been said that we train soldiers to go to war, but no one trains them to come home. We have yet to train our spouses on how to send soldiers off to war, or how to bring them home. As I start to write my dissertation on Combat PTSD and continue the research on treatment that I have developed, will expand on the Secondary PTSD issue and a treatment that encompasses couples as well as just soldiers. The first step is identifying that there is a problem to fix, and then we can find an answer of how to fix it.
Posted on: Sun, 21 Sep 2014 14:38:57 +0000
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