Shout out to that smiling little face today. I seem to look to others for encouragement or confirmation that Im on the right path. Life is a scary journey, so I search for any sign to show me Im exactly where I should be. Ive been knocked down, beaten, robbed, and tortured - mentally, physically, and spiritually. The saddest part is my worst enemy has always been myself. I hide behind a smile and a ray of hope.. I feel completely and utterly broken but something, somewhere convinces me otherwise. And I truly believe that something is God. Today I thought about my life and how Ive lived the past 20 years in a severe depression. I know it exists but I deny every part of it. I sulk in the pain, yet whisper to myself Im strong... its nothing. The smile may hide the pain from the outside world, but it doesnt take away whats inside of you... Ive come to the conclusion that for the past 20 years Ive dealt with pain in self-destructive ways because Ive been too afraid to open up and let people see the real me. Ive held in so much for so long, because I felt its what strong people do. Sometimes the only way to remain strong is to speak out... So this is my announcement. This is the real Jasmyn King. I will no longer hide behind my depression or anxiety. I will no longer put on a mask everyday and repeat the sickening line - Im fine, when in reality my life has been anything but... My world has been shattered more than once, but today is the day I will begin to focus on the TRUTH and rebuild it. If youre close, you already know theres something weird about me. How I wont reply to texts, make plans and break them, or act like a zombie when we do interact... most of you dont understand & often get angry at these actions because you assume Im just being shady...So Im not going to apologize because most days I feel accomplished if I even get out of bed. I do, however, ask that you read up on depression. I will no longer feel sorry for myself and I beg you not to. I just wanted to warn you that you will be seeing and hearing the truth from now on... not all of these robotic lines Ive learned to convince everyone Im okay. My life has been an absolute horror story for the past 20 years and although I do not plan to dwell in the pain, I think its time to stop acting like it doesnt exist. Ill be 21 at the end of the month, and I feel the life style I have chosen to escape my pain will literally be the death of me. So its time to STAND UP and SPEAK OUT AGAINST DEPRESSION! There is no more hiding from the pain... Id like to add I made this very personal status public for a reason. It truly hurts my soul that depression is seen as such a personal issue. It bothers me that those who havent gone through what I do will read this status an instantly label me as crazy or someone seeking attention.. this status is a helping hand, reaching out to all of those facing depression. DO NOT LIVE IN FEAR. Allow yourself to love every part of you enough to remove your mask. You might feel that you are alone and that this depression is a very personal matter, but I want you to know you are not. We can fight this battle together. #depression #abuse #selfabuse #selfdestruction #standup #speakout #depressionKILLS
Posted on: Fri, 07 Nov 2014 21:34:51 +0000
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