Since I have a lot of artist friends... and bright friends... and this seems to plague both historically... Does anyone else struggle with depression/suicide (that is willing to admit it publicly)? What have you found to keep your demons at bay? With me its been the story of my entire life - and ironically art and music are both the symptom and the remedy. Little known story, a few years back (before I met my ex), Id gotten to the point that I decided it was time to seek professional help - and went to a therapist. Now full disclaimer, my undergrad was in psychology, so I knew exactly why she was asking what she was asking, etc - but when the topic of suicide came up, I saw her instantly go on alert. Her next question, the one that every therapist is trained to ask [to ascertain risk] was Have you thought about how youd do it?. The point of course is that if someone has detailed plans, they have given it much thought and are higher risk than someone that says I dunno... pills or something? Either way, I answered truthfully (that yes of course I had, and knew how to do it to minimize trauma to those that found me, etc) - and saw the hairs on her neck rise (figuratively). It was the perfect case study of what you dont want to hear as a therapist. She dropped me like a bad habit after that (no more its been a month since your last visit emails or anything), but this was the time that I booked my first trip out to shoot in Death Valley. Just me, my gear, and a jeep out in nature for a week or so by myself. Yet the simplicity of it, the solitude, the drive to make something out of a landscape that wasnt cooperating (clear skies mostly), to see what lay around the next bend... to shape my vision into what I saw before me... it silenced those demons - even if temporarily. When I returned I immediately booked two more solo adventures fo the coming months - and fired my therapist. I think its common knowledge that increased creativity often flows from pain... maybe a way to vocalize the darkness, Im not really sure. Ive long feared that if I were to ever find true, lasting happiness... contentedness... that my art would dry up. I like to think thats not the case, that the echos that have haunted me my whole life will feed the vision for many years to come, even should I find the drive that keeps me here long term. Im curious what others feel that are in a similar situation. If theyve found something that severed the chains, so to speak. Im open to ideas. Im sure my friends/family would thank you ;) In the meantime maybe this will help people understand why I shoot a little darker than the typical pretty sunsetand HDR pieces that are so popular. For me its an outlet. I create art to balance myself, not to gain popularity. Of course, gaining popularity allows me to continue doing this more and more (and more importantly, full time at some point), but Ive been fortunate [so far] to not have to care about making popular art, given that I havent made anything available for public purchase anyway. I explained it in the French article coming up, but since most of you likely dont speak French, Ill give the short version here. I chain the skies down with filters and storm clouds [in my prefered style]. I focus the eyes deep into the frame by trapping/containing the light to the horizon. This in essence is a form of tunnel vision. Look at Torment sometime, and youll see the inspiration behind the landscapes. This is my prison, and the world I see mirrors it. That said, like any place you find yourself trapped, you begin to notice the detailed cracks in the walls, see the tiny worlds within worlds that you never noticed before. This is why I chase the detail resolution. This represents the underlying story that people never see at first glance, but gives the story such depth, so many layers upon layers. As you look closely, I want you to notice the tiny beetle on the blade of grass, the flower petal falling mid-flight, the drop of dew trapped in the shadows... these are the details we dont see, because we arent trapped, because we flit from scene to scene like a channel surfer. If I can cause one person to pause and explore deep into one of my scenes (and recall Im just beginning on this journey), Ill have done my job. Anyway, perhaps one day the walls and ceiling will break apart and the style will change. Im curious to find out. krwhitley/prints/torment
Posted on: Sat, 17 Jan 2015 07:53:08 +0000
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