Since depression is the topic du jour, I want to share my experiences with it in a what I wish someone had told me kind of way: I have had post-partum depression and/or anxiety with three of my four pregnancies. Both times it manifested itself in rather odd ways, so that I did not recognize it, because I did not fit the image that I had in my head of what someone with depression should look like. In retrospect, I now know. Here were my odd, un-obvious symptoms: 1. An obsession with my babies dying. Id stay up all night researching SIDS. I have had so many of you tell me that you experienced this. No, it is not normal. If you are consumed with thoughts of your baby dying, this is not normal. This is PPD. 2. I never felt like I would hurt my babies. But I would constantly think of ways that they COULD be hurt. I would see a pillow and think of how easily it could suffocate them. Id see Drano and think of how easily it could poison them. Id see a knife and think of how it could hurt them. The world was the enemy of my baby. This is not normal. This is PPD. 3. Nightmares and weird dreams. So many dreams of child molesters, kids drowning, my husband being killed in a car wreck, being attacked by lions, etc. This is not normal. This is PPD. 4. That ominous something bad is going to happen feeling. Waiting for the shoe to drop. Constant sense of dread. This is not normal. This is PPD. 5. The feeling that I was horrible mother because of some external, arbitrary measurement: I couldnt breastfeed, my baby wasnt sleeping through the night, etc, so I must be the suckiest mother in the history of motherhood. This is not normal. This is PPD. There were also the obvious symptoms: rage, apathy, sadness, hating everyone who walked into my house. But I would also have times where I was completely happy and laughing, so I thought, well, I cant be depressed. The first time I had it, it kicked in very quickly. The second time, it was when I weaned. The third time, I dont even know, but I wasnt diagnosed until the baby was over a year old. It can take a while to kick in. The worst is the guilt: I have this precious baby, why am I not happy?? Sometimes my PPD was cured by getting pregnant again, sometimes by supplements like fish oil and SAMe, sometimes by a prescription anti-depressant. There is no shame in any of it. Hormones are nothing to be taken lightly. If we can create a human being with our hormones, we can damn sure get depressed by them. If taking a little pill can bring our joy back, praise the Lord and pass the water. Tell your ob that you think you have PPD, and if s/he blows you off (AND SO MANY OF THEM WILL), tell another doctor who wont patronize you. Im forever thankful to Dr. Byron Holt in Houston who finally, by the 4th kid, told me this is not normal. This is PPD. And were going to help you. Sweetest words ever spoken. ~~~~
Posted on: Wed, 13 Aug 2014 05:55:47 +0000
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