Smells like teen spirit! By Michael Kuzilny It was just meant to be a bit of fun. A youthful prank, a dare. But those few moments of high-spirited horseplay ended in court with charges being laid. And now, here you are: a respected professional, off to the US to attend an important conference, detained by the authorities because of that 17 year-old shoplifting charge. Next they put you on the next plane home. Young people will always rebel and experiment. Otherwise good and decent people make mistakes. Act out of character. But trouble that results in a youthful criminal conviction can affect future travel, finance, insurance and employment opportunities. A bright future ruined. The rest of your life to pay for an early run-in with the law. There are many reasons why young people find themselves getting into trouble, including broken or unhappy homes, drink or drug abuse, unemployment and peer pressure. Helping young people avoid trouble and the criminal conviction that may follow must come from good parenting. Unfortunately, in South Africa, where a quarter of the population is aged 10-19, there is also a growing number of parentless teens – the health department predicted in 2008 that by 2010 there would be two million children under 15, who will have lost their mothers to Aids. Therefore, it is crucial for parent’s grandparents, authorities, teachers, youth workers and anyone else with a position in the community who can act as guides, mentors and role models to approach the task with dedication, sensitivity and imagination. TEN Ways to Connect with Your teen 1. Have dinner together: If you have teens, family dinner time is important, at least three times a week. I know life is hectic and you can’t always be home when your teens have dinner, but please make an effort. Talk about the day, try to broadcast only happy and positive news and ask them what exciting things happened in their day. Don’t tell them about the problems of your day! 2. Get your kids involved in your work: I do a lot of work preparing for court cases, and writing my books in my home office. I have set up an extra seat where my daughter Alana can join me when I’m doing tasks that don’t need too much detailed attention. Even if you just involve your teen in little tasks like cooking or washing the car or gardening, its quality time where you can share some good times together. If you work away from home, why not take your teens on a regular tour of duty, and introduce them to your staff and co-workers. Great to get them involved! Just because you are the company CEO, and are making millions, there is no need to alienate yourself from your kids. 3. Retail therapy: If you have some spare time on the weekend, why not go shopping with our teens? Retail therapy is always cleansing. Throw out the old and buy yourself a new pair of trendy jeans and t-shirt. Ask your teenager what colour you should get. Go to the music shop with your teen, and put on the headphones and listen to their favourite tunes, and discuss the music. Show a genuine interest in their taste for music and clothing. Wait and watch your teens while at the hairdresser. Sounds daggy, but it is very respectful. 4. Follow their interests: Let’s face it your interests and your teen’s interests are going to be very different over time. If you can find a sport or interest you can do together, why not do it? You may have to bend over backwards to get involved, but it beats your relationship with your son or daughter falling flat on its face. Make an effort. Ask them what they enjoy doing. You may be surprised. It might be what you enjoy doing. Dancing, white water rafting, karate, camping – who cares, as long as you spend quality time together! 5. Put back into the community: There are lots of ways to help out that might inspire a teen. Whether it’s doing the lawns for an elderly neighbour, or doing a charity walk for breast cancer research, let your child pick one and then do it together. 6. Don’t miss saying good night: Knocking is a must before I enter my daughter’s room, but there is not one night when I don’t make the effort to say goodnight to my little angel; even if I come home late, and she is already asleep. If your teen is awake, have a brief chat about the day, and ask them about their exiting plans for the day to follow. Make it a habit to say goodnight. It will give them peace of mind. 7. Create rituals with your teen: Start being childlike and do the things you enjoyed doing as a teenager with your teenager. Go down the beach, go out for a special lunch, listen to and tell funny jokes, and make it a point to share happy and crazy times with your teen. Once a week I take my daughter to a Thai foot massage. She loves it, and always looks forward to it. Design your ‘special times’ with you teen. 8. Say I love you often: Not as a reward, but just because you are glad your child is part of your wonderful life. Become a good finder and realise that your teen is not perfect, but then neither are you. Don’t expect your teens to have the sense of responsibility and organisational skills you do. Concentrate on the good and don’t criticise! 9. Treat you teens like your best friends: Don’t be nice to others and ignore your teens. Be your teen’s best mate, and involve them in family plans and goals.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 07:32:32 +0000
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