So.. been a rough.. forever. Kind of in the midst of trying not to have a panic attack. You know that moment where you feel your brain starting to race at about twice the speed it usually does? You get a tight pain just behind your eyes, and your hands shake every time you lift them? Your throat has a knot right at the back, thats a tense ball of pain and your eyes are all watery and stupid? Just thinking about things that are triggers (in my case, interacting with people), makes you feel nauseous and you just want to crawl in a hole and die? And thats the start? Thats where Im sitting at and Im working really hard to not let it get worse right now. So Im letting my fingers type here at you guys and Im talking here because my friends and family are on here and Im rereading the things people have commented to me and I just kind of want to say I appreciate it. I mean.. just.. just kind of.. thanks. you know like.. thanks for reading this. Thanks for being there. Thanks for commenting once in a while with something nice. I get nervous when I read them when Im feeling like a normal human being, since Im paranoid as my normal state and get worried that maybe what others say is true, and people are only nice to me to kiss up to me and get something from me. But when I need it most, when Im crashing like I am right now and kind of frantically going in circles and yoyoing from upset to suicidal to depressed to anxious to terrified to stressed, when I read it in those moments I believe it. Because I honestly dont see what you guys get in return for being so damn nice to me, and it just.. right now when I need it most I read those nice things and I just really really really appreciate them because I just kind of want to be normal and not crazy and want to be all the good things people say about me or my art and its just really nice that when I feel really shitty theres someone out there who thinks good things about me. Thats all.
Posted on: Sat, 23 Nov 2013 06:29:12 +0000
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