So there I was, just walking down the street minding my own business, when all of a sudden, a chipmunk with a machine gun jumps out at me. he says in a demented rodent like voice get em up, so not being a brave man, I had them in the air faster than he could say walnut. He looked at me with a defiant snear, than approached me, with the gun pointing at a very awkward spot ( as High as he could reach), so he stands on my foot, then looks up at me and says u got a light pal?. Feeling around in my pockets, I realized I had a match book. so I lit one and handed it to the smelly rodent. thanks pal, he said as he walked away. I stood there trying to make sence of what just happened,.. but couldnt. So I carry on, slowly making my way to the park, when from out of nowhere 2 birds swooped down and landed on my shoulders. they just sit there and stare at me for a minute......then they break out laughing, both of them rolling on there backs, until they couldnt breath, well, I was wondering what was so funny, was it my mowhawk, my Im with stupid shirt, my bugs bunny tattoo, I dunno, couldn’t figure it out. suddenly they just got up and flew away. This was all quite puzzling to me, being a man who was raised to believe that animals do not talk, I could not for the life of me make sence of all of this. Oh well, carry on......hey look its my favorite store, Dilbags Demonic Danger shop. Well I had to go in, after all, Dilbag was an old friend of mine. I cross the street, and to my horror, I see Marvin the Martian running Dilbags store. all the merchandise said ACME on it. well I was scared, but weird little creatures sence fear. so I continue walking through the store like nothing is out of the ordinary. I grab a couple of items and hide them in my Jacket cause I had no bag to carry them. when from behind me I hear a voice R u planning to Paaaaay for those buddy, I turn and look.....no one was there. so I carry on with my shopping. hey did u hear me?. once again saw no one....wait...I look down towards the floor....there was a goat with a Yankees hat and a cigar in his mouth trying to eat my shoe. suddenly, every person who was around me was a creature of some sort. I run out into the street, the same thing. beavers driving cars and coyotes sweeping the sidewalks. well I had just about enough of this, so I ran back to my car and got my XG1000 multishot Paint ball gun. and my Terminator shades. I closed the trunk and was ready for business, I turn my I-pod on and hear Bad To The Bone.I crank it, then i open fire, fur, feathers and squeaks were everywhere, one by one they all went down, cursing my name and holding up a cirtain finger pointed in my direction. out of the corner of my Eye I see Marvin jump through the window of the store and stand in the middle of the street facing me. Bullit belts and camoflage covered the green vermins body. it was showtime......I look at him, he looks at me, as I sweat in fear, I slowly reach for my gun, wait its not there...only a tube of toothpaste. So I pull it out anyways, this look of terror comes over greenies face. seeing this. I Judo chop the toothpaste tube and the contents smother Marvin, he starts crying and melting, and I wonder is this quite possibly the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. No it wasnt but pretty close. as the final remains of Marvin slowly melt away, I sit there for a minute and just come to grips with what I had just done. killed a hero of the screen, but I figured maybe it was self defence, so I grab my gear, and head back to my car. I get in my car and I swear to never go for a walk again, especially after eating green smarties. A story by Jeff Kellett
Posted on: Thu, 27 Mar 2014 03:29:20 +0000
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