Some of you know that I’ve had to quit drinking. This was mostly due to the fact that the constant hospitalizations and police warnings were becoming bothersome. Furthermore, it is never a good sign when your doctor demands that your toxicology sample be disposed of by the hazmat team (I made up one of those two reasons). Diet soda had lately been my substitute drink of choice. However, I’d become wary diet sodas because I suspected that aspartame is made from kitten tears and bleach or something equally unappealing. Therefore, I needed a new beverage that would 1) not cause me to pee off of fire escapes (I’m perfectly capable of doing that without booze, thank you) and 2) not make me fear that one of its main ingredients could be made from battery acid and Pat Boone’s toenail clippings. Boy howdy, did I come up with a good one. Start with 8 bags of chamomile tea. Stuff them into a small teacup and add just enough boiling water to cover the bags. You’re going to make a very strong brew that you will dilute later. Next let the teabags steep for 15 to 20 minutes. After steeping, squeeze the remaining water out of the teabags and put about half of the concentrated tea you’ve made into a highball glass with a few ice cubes. Finally, top off the glass with seltzer water. You now have drink that tastes somewhat similar to Scotch and Soda (but, you know, one I’ll be able to drink and still live past 40). I’ve named this drink the Dry Burns after Scottish national poet Robert Burns. Noble Prize Committee, please remember that I spell my first name with a “v” not a “p.h.”
Posted on: Sat, 20 Jul 2013 19:29:58 +0000