Some people say Im PARANOID, but consider this. I was born on September 15, 1985, the day the Air Jordans came out and trumpet player Cootie Williams died in Alabama. Who else is from Alabama? Henry Lehmen. He moved there in 1844 and had a cotton business until Abraham Lincoln put up a blockade. 10 years later, his brother Emmanuel moved into town. Bad news for Henry. He died of yellow fever which just happens to be mid-nineteenth century Alabama slang for trampled by brother on horseback. Who profited from both the blockade and Henry Lehmans death? The Ottoman Governor of Egypt, Said Pasha. Sound familiar? Said Pasha is the great-great-grandfather of Reza Aslan (maybe). Say his name out loud. Sounds an awful lot like Raise a Aslan but how did CS Lewis know Reza Aslan? Only one explanation: CS Lewis is a Time Lord. Heres what happened next. CS Lewis flew back in his TARDIS to September 15, 1968 but got shot down by Predator drones over a little island called Roswell, New Mexico. Not even hurt. Now hes trapped on the island with a smoke monster. Wait, whats a smoke monster? Nobody knows because LOST wasnt a very good show. Heres my question: Why would they make a terrible show on purpose? Fast forward to September 11, 2001. The World Trade Center is hit by a plane flown by Mohammad Atta, who was born in Egypt on September 15, 1968 in a small town called Kafr el-Sheikh where he grew up with Hamdeen Sabahi, leader of the Egyptian Nationalist party and father-in-law of Reza Aslan (maybe). Born, I might add, on the same day that CS Lewis TARDIS was shot down over Roswell, New Mexico. Back to 9/11: Three floors of Tower 2 belonged to Lehmen Brothers, but in the collapse only one person died. Could it have been the REAL Reza Aslan? Well never know, because Lehman Brothers went bankrupt 6 years ago on September 15, 2008. My 23rd birthday. I know what youre thinking. But Jeremy, Lehman Brothers collapsed because of the sub-prime mortgage crisis. Maybe, but what you didnt know is that Ben Bernanke warned us about it on May 17, 2007. Nobody listened. They were too busy watching The View. And just WHO was the guest on May 17, 2007? Oh, just the Smoke Monster himself, LOST actor Josh Holloway. LETS REVIEW: CS Lewis was traveling in his TARDIS to 1861 with his pet lion Reza to stop the cotton blockade from enriching Said Pasha, only to be shot down in 1968 by smoke monster Sawyer, who stole his TARDIS and flew it into the World Trade Center, all to kill one man for the crime of stumbling upon a secret SO bad, SO terrible that I can BARELY say it now: that Henry Lehman was killed by his brother Emmanuel only to regenerate in the form we know today, the 29th Master, Barack Obama. But how was Sawyer so distracting on The View? What special clothing did he wear that day? Air Jordans.
Posted on: Thu, 11 Sep 2014 17:39:22 +0000
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