Someone asked me to clarify my point about how I could deal with anger without getting emotionally violent. If youve known me here for more than 2 years Youve seen me get very emotionally violent, and once in awhile I still do get that way, though not so much anymore. My answer to them was a mind-dump and it really helped me to better understand the process. So Im sharing it here. The key I found was in seeking out and red-flagging the Cognitive Dissonance. Whenever I am angry, even if it is for clear and good reason, it is because my beliefs and my experience are not resonant. My beliefs (hence a part of my self-identity) feel threatened, and when ego has a problem it always feels like life-or-death (fair really, ego can be fragile that way). Over time, and with practice (and friends whom I can trust to call me on my BS), I learned to state that I am angry and what I feel angry about. I still feel the emotional violence in the moment, but it doesnt last long and I own it without projecting it onto others. I make it a point to own and acknowledge both aspects of my cognitive dissonance, and when in the heat of the moment I cannot clearly recognize both sides, I simply acknowledge that it is there, and that my truth feels threatened. I follow this ownership up with the clearly verbalized, and heart-felt desire to love myself, regardless of whether or not my belief/truth changes (this frees my self-identity/ego to make the choice of least resistance, which always ends up being a new truth and slightly alters my self-identity to be a bit closer to that of my divine self). One of the loveliest ironies of love is that the desire to love oneself is in itself an act of self-love so youve succeeded in loving yourself just by wanting to.
Posted on: Thu, 17 Apr 2014 11:49:39 +0000
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