Sometimes I think about growing older and passing into the unknown. Last Sunday at Millers Chapel Church, I requested prayer and tried to explain how sad I feel about growing older and watching those I love grow older. Kam was sitting on my lap and Jon was sitting beside me on the right. As I spoke, I felt flooded with human kindness and love for my neighbors. I rambled a little, trying to summon the words to let everyone know how much I care about them and how much I miss community members who have passed on before. As I was in mid-emotion, Kam and Jon whacked each other and got into a howling spat. I frowned and said Stop that! I separated them like a referee, then plunked Kam into the floor from my lap and told him in a gruff and menacing voice to go sit with Mammy, his grandmother across the aisle. Kam refused, in a voice as gruff and menacing as my own. I turned him around bodily and pushed him toward Mammy, saying Hush! Now get over there! He turned back to me with angry tears and said he No! Im sitting with you and Jon! With a rush I realized my hypocrisy. It was ridiculous to speak of love and kindness in one breath and verbally assault a four year old in the next. Shaking my head with chagrin, I excused myself from the church, swooped Kam up into my arms and carried him outside, where several dogs immediately surrounded us and stood on their back legs, clawing at my shirt and pants with their paws. Bandit carved a deep scratch on my stomach. Kam and I looked at each other, our faces inches apart. His eyes are so clear and blue. I wiped tears from his eyes, one by one, until he stopped crying. I asked if he could pay attention to me. He said, Yes. Then I explained to him that when people request prayer in church, or when people pray in church, he and Jon need to be quiet. I told him it was rude to talk out loud and hit one another. I told him that I love him. I asked if he could be quiet now and he said he could. We went back into the sanctuary. I apologized to the congregation and said that before I die, I hope to be a decent person for at least 10 minutes running. Flora Alice didnt hear me and asked me to repeat myself. So I did. Then the congregation closed into a circle and held hands. Howard asked me to lead prayer for two members whose families were suffering acutely. I was deeply touched that the congregation would allow me to pray with them even though I had just revealed my hypocritical soul while making a fool of myself. I dont know that to do about aging. Sometimes the alternative doesnt seem so dreadful. Still, I suppose Ill keep getting older every day.
Posted on: Tue, 25 Mar 2014 22:58:33 +0000
Trending Topics
Recently Viewed Topics
© 2015