Sometimes Im super envious of the people in my life and their ability to be taught about, or recognize the value of morals at such a young age. Or at least to be aware of the consequences of their actions that it was a natural progression due to being able to process the difference between right and wrong and come to the realization of the importance and existance of morals naturally. Like I really envy that and wish I could have had that experience in life. Its also a valuable lesson about not needing a religion or belief in a faith structure of any kind in order to be a good person. On the other hand though, I know and have experienced being too confident of an opinion before, and it makes you closed minded in a way that can not make you consider that there might be a difference between the forrest and the trees. Not that Im saying they are wrong in their opinions and beliefs, or that they are false in any way or should be discredited. Or untrue for that matter. Im just saying while Im super jealous in one way, I can appreciate my experience in its own way as well in a way that makes me see a different view of my life experience, I would not normally be able to appreciate otherwise. While I consider the people Im referencing way better people than me in a lot of ways, and I believe they evolved much more quickly and effectively and naturally than myself. It makes me appreciate and see people in my life throughout the years in a very different light than I would otherwise. I can recognize that certain people were placed in my life to alter my path and change my paradigm in ways that were drastically needed at various points for a reason. It makes me believe in a reality beyond anything I could never experience or believe in without certain experiences or people at just the right time that literally changed me or saved me in ways that never could have happened without a belief that theres a will involved for my life that isnt my own. I despise my life in some ways when I consider the facts of reality in my youth. But I am forced to be grateful that my experiences led me to a consideration of something bigger than myself that saw what needed to take place and made the impossible possible. Not that my path is better in any way, or more valid. Or my reality is real and theres isnt. Honestly I think its a sign of a person that has lived a life in a bad way in many ways. So despite valuing the experience of what I consider a form of necessary intercession, while I am appreciative in so many ways for this, its humbling as well. Because it shows me through my own personal choices I was not living a life worth believing in. It is also a reminder that my faith experience can never be considered better than anyone elses choice, belief, or path. Because it is proof that without intercession, my life was not to be trusted with my own decisions and choices. So ultimately it says to me my life was not worth living by my own character that had developed up to a certain point, and I couldnt be trusted with such a valuable gift. My point is though, that we all experience reality in different ways. And I have a hard time saying openly that my reality and necessity for something higher than myself that resulted in me being led to a christian experience actually doesnt speak volumes about my life choices. Or that any christian has the right to say we are better people because were christians and someone else isnt. Being a christian to me is a reminder that I am not able to make good decisions on my own, and I was led to the belief because of reasons that are not worth bragging about. I am grateful for my reality and the people that altered my destiny in desperately needed situations, through what I believe was an act of a higher power that led me to this faith through hopelessness and suffering and desperation eventually and a life full of horrible desicions not worth living. But I in no way can ever claim it makes me a better person if Im being honest about my life as a whole. I can say it gives me hope, and it made me so desperate in some ways, I was willing to open my mind to possibilities I otherwise would never have considered of any value or worthy of belief. And by taking a chance on a possibility I never believed in i was shown a reality I can never again deny. Not that Im saying its necessary for all people, or better than anyone elses experience or path, or that my perseption of what is happening is the ultimate truth for all, I am still grateful for the path I have been called to believe in. Because it gives me the opportunity to live a better life in comparison to the life I was choosing in my youth, if I am willing to do my part as well and attempt to improve myself and be willing to have faith despite areas of doubt I struggle with regularly regarding the path I have been called to in some aspects of the faith itself and what it represents in so many negative aspects. Im just saying, if you ever see me call myself a christian or talk about my experiences in these areas or what I think it represents to me. Please know, I dont think it means Im better than you or living a more rightous or worthy experience. Its just where my life led me, and Im trying to embrace and understand the path I believe Im supposed to live. It doesnt mean your path or experience is any less worthy or meaningful than mine.
Posted on: Sat, 26 Jul 2014 23:48:09 +0000
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