Spent time escaping into the fantasy world of motorcycle machinations today. Then, during the night happened to start reading about suicide rates among veterans from Civil War, ww1, ww2, etc. The word for PTSD in 1860s was Soldiers Heart. I like that. And it seems Herodotus even wrote about it, so we didnt invent it. My old man, my father fought in WW1. Thats not a typo. In the infantry. God, it was rough living with him. I got out at 17. In ww2 he was doing counter intelligence against Mexico, because he was fluent in Spanish and liked living there. After the war he took all of us to live there. I know some kind of SSRI may have helped Dad. I self medicated by smoking pot. And now it seems it may have been the health smart thing to do. My shrink visits with me about meds and told him that I had been obsessing about a road trip to Colorado to smoke pot. He thought it was a good idea. My interviews with a shrink always touch on suicide. I have been around much of it and I can see a rational point in doing it, however I sure everyone, you do not need to call the hotline for me. My interest is academic or philosophical. There are so many layers to the correlation between combat and suicide...I would not be so bold to try to discuss it on FB, pecking at a tablet! But for me, my rationale is my life is absolutely worth no more than any other life, which are departing all around us, regardless of the manner. When I compare my public service adventures to recent news accounts of cops beating or killing the clientele, I think I have hit on why it has been better for me to be slightly depressed on the job, than not. Think about it..sometimes a fight needed to happen and I did not call backup, because I wanted to do this alone. I fought a burglar all over Buffalo Beanos who had started a fire, and a fair amount of time it seemed, was spent fighting with one arm while I holstered and snapped in my pistol. Shooting that dude would not have brought honor to my lineage as a fighter. The rush always made life a little easier for a bit. And yes of course there is the following crash...but... I read Karl Marx, you know. He wrote an interesting book entitled On Suicide. You all should read it. Especially those of my acquaintance who eschewed a liberal arts education for one of those fancy capitalist driven degrees. And Im done.
Posted on: Sun, 24 Aug 2014 08:26:29 +0000
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