Springs (extract from Revettes Lead from Behind) The actual discovery of the Spring was very interesting. One Ho Ping, sword-maker to the Emperor Kiang Hoo Bang Ping was one day beating a sword out of a straight strip of iron. It was a long sword, for the Emperor was a small chap and liked to keep his enemies at a distance, and Ho Ping was kneeling on one end of the iron and belting the other end with a hammer, when it got up and hit him. Noticing this, owing to the lump on his head, Ho Ping remarked ‘that’s darned queer.’ And he did it again. Then he rubbed his head and he stuck the end in the ground vertically. When he hit it again with the hammer, the blade gave a humming note and vanished. Looking very inscrutable he said ‘this is undoubtedly a spring, something we have needed all these years.’ Forthwith, he floated the Ho Ping Metal Spring Manufacturing Company and amassed a fortune and retired in a Jade Palace full of bric–a-brac and dancing girls. The Spring then disappeared from history until the Middle Ages in Middle Europe. At this time, his Beastliness Duke Krumpett von Schlossendampfershaft suffered from gout to such an extent that he could no longer ride his famous mount Sireene. So he decided to go in for one of those carriages that they were all talking about at the Club. In due course he imported a custom-built eight horse coach from the Verona Coach and Deep Well Boring Corp. Two gentlemen of Verona; salesmen one and two delivered it to his Beastliness and took him for a spin around the houses at a gallop. This was a pity because the High Street was full of pot holes, linked by ruts and Von Schlossendampfershaft was not appeased thereby. In fact he was so not appeased, that not only did he talk about not paying for the carriage, but offered to burn the eyes out of the two Gentlemen of Verona into the bargain. Fortunately thinking quickly, Tutti Minestrone, Salesman number one, suddenly remembered his friend Leonardo do Vinci telling him about the idea of a spring which he had read about in ‘My Travels in Darkest Asia’ by M Polo and the springs were duly fitted to the carriage with instant success. When the springs broke, the two Gentlemen of Verona were safely back in Verona and the War that resulted in the end can hardly be blamed on them or the springs.
Posted on: Sat, 10 Aug 2013 03:43:30 +0000
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